It recently came to the surface again as I began working on an idea I have for this little purple basket which I knew almost immediately what I wanted to make out of when I found it...so why the self doubting?
I am hearing the voice of self doubt very loud even in spite of all the wonderful things I hear from so many of my friends and followers here on my blog who love how I write, who want to know how I do what I do and who truly enjoy and are inspired by what I share here. I'm not saying this in pride it is just what is happening ALL THE TIME right now...a lot of you are saying really nice and encouraging things to me and I so appreciate it and I REALLY NEED TO HEAR what everyone is saying. Your voices of encouragement are there for a reason.
It is a battlefield in my heart and head right now, discouragement on one side and all of you on the other. The enemy of my soul would love nothing more than to squelch the creativity God has placed in me. That is why I need to hear what you are saying. Thank you, thank you, thank you and please don't stop!
That voice of self doubt and discouragement in my head is not a strange thing as it happens to people all the time. In my head I liken its affect to that of "Nasty grass", a grassy weed that crops up in my garden that is so darn hard to eradicate. It makes me feel at times like I will be forever doomed to never prevail against it.
The thing with "Nasty grass" is it can be overcome but it takes work. One cannot just yank it out of the ground, oh no...it needs to be dug out, its roots eradicated or will send out more and more underground stolons/roots and soon choke out the entire garden. If you pull it out you will always leave behind those underground runners and before long, will find a new plant or plants growing to replace what you just pulled up. Once well established it is very difficult to even dig out as it grows through the root systems of other plants further securing its future habitation in the garden. It has such a nasty habit of reappearing just when you think you have it licked. Nasty nasty stuff.
|Nasty Grass...The white portions break off very easily to form new plants|
|Tough woody stoleniferous root that at each joint will send up a plant if left in the ground.|
I am bolstered by a confidence I cannot explain, that its time to come forth like blooms on a rose and bloom I shall and those lying weeds in my brain...they are going DOWN! I am so excited I feel like I could just explode with joy at times. I never used to feel this way ever...its amazing and truly something God has done in me and for me.
As a Christian, facing fear and living by faith is a way of life. I either trust God or I remain increasingly anxious about my life. There is a reason that we are admonished to "Be anxious for nothing, but with prayer and thanksgiving let our requests be made known before God." That opens the door for God's peace to be spread abroad in our hearts, to cover them and we find rest for our souls!
It took me 5.6 years to learn this as I went through circumstances I would have never thought I would go through. My faith was stretched and tried like never before. But God showed He was always faithful, always there and attending to my needs and to my future. So now as I look at these weedy lies about my creative abilities I see they are just another part of learning to trust my Creator with my future, my life and now my business. I am also leaning on Him to help me get to the root of these lies that have held me back for so long.
I will be spending time in prayer and studying what the Bible has to say on this subject. I am so excited to see the new growth of this gift of creativity come forth as the binding forces of these lies are laid to waste in my life in a greater way than ever before.
|To everything there is a season and this is my season to bloom!|
God does not want us to be bound by the voice of discouragement. If you are in one of those times know that is not time lost. With all your heart seek God, to spend time in His presence, to hear what He has to say about who you are and to take to heart those truths and wait...wait for God's power to set you free.
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