The Surface Tension of Our Heart: Why it can take time to receive God's Word

Why is it that it takes so much time for us to receive God's truth in some areas of our lives? I have asked myself this question numerous times.  God's timing is not like ours, I am always reminding myself of this and that is one part of it, but another part is that we can be pretty stubborn customers and breaking down that stubborn pride takes His resistance to what we are up to and that can take a lot of time.  God is careful about getting whatever it is out of His way so the work will be unhindered.  There are books on the subject, but I'm not writing one today.  Nope, today I want to share a pretty cool insight God gave me about resistance that came from the soil in my garden. It has to do with water surface tension, which translated for the purpose of my question into spiritual surface tension or  surface tension of the heart.  It speaks to how this tension affects our ability to receive the water of His word and helps explain the reason why it takes so long for some things to sink deeply in to our hearts.

There was a moment at a recent women's retreat where I felt that "sinking in" happening in all it's glory.  It was amazing.  It was a head to toe experience that I never wanted to stop. As I was thinking about that experience the Lord drew my attention back to the moment right before it when my soul wasn't really receiving in fullness from a truth I thought I believed.  If we took a look we would all have to agree there are those things in us that we know so well we only think we believe but in actuality we don't and because we don't we are not experiencing the fullness of what would happen if we truly did believe them, the fullness of power and blessing God has for us when we do.  In God's economy it is all or nothing, faith or unbelief...there is no "sort of believing" and just knowing something is not enough. He wants us to be all in, fulling invested and in full faith believing His promises.  He's not into lukewarm or fence sitting, He wants us walking on water with Him, believing Him for anything and everything, because He is God, the God of all things, Creator of the universe, the Great I Am.  And I was right there that morning, on the fence, with something I thought I was doing, thought I believed.  And God was not surprised nor was He angry with me for not getting it.  He was about to show me I had little true depth of understanding in it, the true faith of it had not saturated my being like He desired it to and then take me to a whole new level of understanding. A level of knowing that is beyond the mind, where I would experience seeing in my spirit and then the actual physical sensing of it, that "knowing that I know", and He was going to do pull out all the stops to begin to make that faith deeply mine.

"It Is Well"
"Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well"

Our speaker, Di Endicott lead us in singing this beautiful song, I had been hungering deeply for God, for change in my life, for an empowering breakthrough. As I began to sing these words I put all I was before the Lord and was quickly, but gently, interrupted by "that voice".  The Lord asked me, "Is it really? Is it really well with your soul?" Nothing is hidden from God I know this, but I also know how good I am at lying to myself.  I was busted, there in the midst of my sisters as we sang my heart was laid bare before God.  At that moment with no shame I had to confess it did not "feel well" within me at all. Actually I didn't even have to say it, I thought it, and God wasn't surprised by my thoughts, He already knew I didn't. "Sing it to yourself, tell your soul it is well!" He told me, urging me into unknown territory in His strong gentle way. My eyes overflowed with tears, I choked out the lyrics singing..."Through it all, through it all it is well." speaking to my soul, not to God, but to my soul.  "It is well, it is well.  It is well, it is well.  It is well, it is well, with my soul."  The moment I had taken that step to obey, I found mind flooded with an image of my body and what I can only describe as it's spiritual circulatory system and sensed the blockages and pain and then, just as quickly, I was given grace to receive what I was singing to my soul...the wellness of my soul by faith. As I sang out of this deeper place of faith, my understanding opened up and the sensation of wellness flooded my entire soul and body!  O, if only you could have seen it, if only you could have felt it!  I was undone.

How God does this just amazes me. How I had never experienced it before, I can only chalk up to this thing, spiritual surface tension, that needed to be broken in me by God the Master of all gardeners, through His nurturing care of my soul.  At that moment I, for the very first time, fully receive this promised wellness within. It was the very first time I had ever experienced it with such bold honesty and I hadn't even asked for it too which really blew my mind. But the Heavenly Father knew how much I needed to experience it, He knew the lack of wellness within me and He did all He could to bring me to the place where I would be able to receive it.  Oh how I wish I could give you what I received in that moment. How I hope if you have yet to, that you will and soon.  It is my prayer that our Lord will make it so.

So what does this have to do with this "surface tension" I keep referring to?  How does this fit in?  As I sat here writing in my journal about the retreat and being flooded by wellness God gave me a very clear picture in my mind of a bead of water sitting on barren dry ground and how it just rolled off and away without sinking into the soil leaving only a damp spot on the surface.  I knew exactly what it was immediately, soil surface tension.  He was speaking to me about how this image of water being unable soak into dry ground freely was connected to my experience at the retreat. Well that was interesting, I had never thought of there being any correlation between the two.  This is so cool.

Have you ever poured water out onto very dry soil and noticed how the soil resists the water and the water just sits on top of the ground in a fat bead and actually will run off without hardly wetting the soil at all? Have you ever wondered why it does that? Why won't the soil just soak that water like a sponge? What causes there to be such resistance between the two when the soil obviously needs the water? The reason this occurs is because of something known as " surface tension" which affects the soil's ability to draw water down into it and it occurs when soils become overly dry. The soil in this state has become what is known as "hydrophobic".  This means it is resistant to water being absorbed into it.  This happens when the molecules of the water become more dense than the soil. (Nerdy I know)  It's sort of like what happens with magnets when their poles are at odds with one another and instead of pulling together they push apart, sort of. 

The way to avoid having to deal with soils that do this is to take care of the soil properly by being sure it has good levels of organic material in it (humus) and keeping it hydrated.  If the soil does become hydrophobic it is reversible and the tension can be broken, but it takes patience and careful slow watering to get the soil back to where it will do a good job of water absorption. After that the addition of organic matter and basic soil care are in order.  Now for the spiritual aspects of this. 

There is a similar tension with us, a spiritual surface tension of the heart, and when I look at it in relationship to surface tension seen in the illustration God showed me I can see parallels to what happens in our hearts versus what goes on with hydrophobic soil.  There are clearly things that affect our hearts ability to absorb what God desires us to have, things that rob us of that water of life, the water of His word.  Things that cause this tension and resistance to those truths that will set us free, those things that strengthen our faith and lives so we are able to produce good fruit.  This parallel helped so much to explain why it takes time for things to sink into our lives and it gave me more hope, because God is far from finished with His daughter.

Hydrophobic soils are frustrating and can be troublesome to deal with for a couple reasons, the main reason is the obvious lack of water and a secondary reason is when the soil contains the type of organic matter more prone to becoming hydrophobic and usually is more that way than the soil itself is. Why does this matter to the message?  Because what we put into our lives, our thinking and our system of beliefs, will feed our soul and spirit, or not.  When they are the wrong thing, or unholy compost as I like to call it, they produce this same hydrophobic tendencies in the spiritual realm of our heart and cause a desert bareness of the soul.  This spiritual surface tension resists the truth of God when He goes to pour it into us.  This is why God's patience and forbearance with us is so important for us.  If He wasn't He would just hang up the watering can and go find another heart to garden in! 

How can you know if you have taking in this unholy compost?  Get serious, pray, seek God and take time to hear Him!  Ask Him for discernment to see the things hindering His word in your life and fearlessly surrender the deep places of your heart, not just those up front that are less painful and easy to get to places...DIG DEEP!  The root of the lies we have been led to believe run deep.  I pray God will give you the desire to get every last one of them OUT once and for all, to destroy what Satan has tried to destroy you through, because he has tried to.  Okay, where was I?

Unholy compost are those lies rapped up in just enough truth that unless we are careful we can fill our lives up with them because they "sound good".  Beware of them, these things even in good times are suck us dry spiritually and will leave us thirsting, but in a desert place can be devastating to to one's faith.  To be sure, none of us is perfect, we have all made mistakes like this to one degree or another.  Go to God when you are made aware of this unholy compost in your life.  And remember, God is continually pouring out His truth to us, giving us all we need through Christ our Savior.  He desires our best, our blessing, that we produce good fruit and you can bet He'll will do whatever it takes to ensure that fruit comes to harvest in us.  Okay, back to the soil.

There is no fast and easy way to reduce soil surface tension. It can't be broken by applying lots of water all at once, any more than we can have that "know that I know" kind of faith by consuming copious amounts of scripture, it doesn't work that way. The method used to break soil surface tension is by watering slowly and steadily, over time, sometimes for several days.  It's because it can only seep into a very thin layer of soil and so it has to go from one depth to another to another until that tension between the soil and water is mitigated and the water can be taken up fully and deliver it's life giving properties to things living there.  Yes, it seems quite similar to what God does in us over the course of our life to work His truth well into our hearts.  Now do you see why God gave me the picture He did?  

Surface tension is also why we see flash floods happening in drought ridden or desert areas when a they receive a normal to large amount of rainfall quickly. Flash flooding waters flow along the top of the ground because that surface tension in the soil has not been broken yet.  I've experienced a very similar type of spiritual flash flooding in my own life those times where I get filled with emotion as I am washed over with a flood of truth, but my heart is properly prepared to receive it and within hours I am back to where I was, parched dry and unchanged. This flash flooding of our spiritual life is that quick dose of emotion and inspiration we get from  hearing an exciting message or what we experience in a really cool worship concert.  We feel revived, alive and ready for battle, ready for anything and praise God.  Certainly God is changing people there and pouring into them deeply, but so often it's all adrenaline and emotion. Unless the Holy Spirit has done the necessary work to break the spiritual tension within our hearts, those flash floods of truth will flow away into memory and we'll be again standing on the dry ground of our lives wondering why things didn't stick.  (Lord have mercy.)

I should also mention this tension in the soil is not just at the surface which is why it is so problematic and takes so long to break.  It goes as far down as where ever the soil has become parched. If we believe it is only at the surface we lack proper understanding of this whole of it's impact and will continue to water as if the water will move as it should when it won't.  This lack of understanding will cause our gardens to fail to thrive, while we stand there wondering why.  And it's all because we don't understand the full impact of that tension in the dry soil, and so it remains parched and dry, physically unable to take up the moisture. Isn't that true of our spiritual lives too?

The continual dryness in the soil of a garden causes all kinds of issues, from stunted plant growth to proneness to disease, damaging desiccation of the leaves and stems, blasting (sudden death) of flowers, lack of fruitfulness and even eventually death of the plants. Does any of this sound familiar to you in your spiritual life? I know it does in mine. There are things I have wondered about that I know God has planted in me that I have always desired to grow in and felt hindered to do so.  Same with my personal life too but as I believe the two are intrinsically bound in my service and faith in Christ they go together for me.  That morning as I was stepping out in faith, speaking to my soul "it is well with in me", God broke through where I could not in my own strength and did things in me I didn't even know I needed done.  And I think I finally know why in my garden here at home we have suffered with this kind of soil problems for so long. God really knows how to set up an effective object lesson. Anyhow, as I thought about that image God gave me I realized it is so like what He did with me over time to bring my heart to be able to receive the fullness of that statement "It is well within me", a verse in a new song we learned that weekend.

I really don't like that my heart can be like those hydrophobic soils and resist what God is wanting me to take in. Understanding how breaking surface tension works sure helps to take the fuel out of my frustration though and helps me to be more forgiving of myself.  It gives me a window into understanding how God is at work in my own life.  For my heart so needs that soft repeated application of the water of His truth, like watering parched earth, to get it to the point where it will finally sink to depth it needs to go and I will become alive with it and thrive in spirit and truth in that area of my life. 

As I look back on my thirty plus years following Christ, I can see how this has happened over and over again in my life and the truth is that it will probably will be for the rest of it too as God breaks into those hidden places of my heart, those neglected spaces and gets to work performing His will in me. Yes, I believe this is exactly how God works in us to bring the living water of His truth into our parched souls, from the time He begins to woo us until He calls us home to heaven.  He offers water to the thirsty soul, love to the hungry heart...a little at a time over a long period of time, soaking in a little deeper with every drip, drip drip, until our hearts are ready to fully receive it and it brings forth life in us! 

I hope this has given you some food for thought and some encouragement.  God works all things out for His glory, for the good of those who He has called. 

~Patty~

P.S. The song lyrics quoted in this post are from the song "It Is Well" Written by Kristene DiMarco and produced by Bethel Music Publishing.  You can hear the entire song at the link provided above.

Copyright © 2014 by Patty Hicks

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Clearing A Path; God's Will and Moving Boulders

Life is a funny thing, God's timing is a mysterious thing, both are difficult to understand sometimes and for me that sometimes has been years long. The circumstances have been ones that seemed to happen over and over again, every time I would get a good idea or see a path that had promise and get a good strong running. I'd be on my way, seeing the goal in front of me and some successes and WHAM...I was knocked down, stopped dead by something in my way. I was cut off, even knocked completely off the path I was on and unable to find a way back. 

Some of my friends have tried to explain my situation by saying God was bringing death to a vision and that He would certainly provide a way and restore it in His timing and His way. I don't know if that is correct or not. Certainly there was death, but I'm not presuming the goals I had at the time were born of His vision or calling for my life, I know many of them have not been. However what my struggling did do was send me to a very deep and desperate place, where God set up a couple of encounters I am going to share with you, about the time He spoke to me through two strangers. I was powerfully reminded about them yesterday as I read  “What We Wish For” on Kimberly Brooks website.

"I realized this: creativity – the source that has always been the soul-restoring energy available to me in that nest-closet of mine – is like any other thing on this earth that FLOWS. It needs a clear path” 

Kimberly's words on the flow of creativity needing a clear path thrust me into a strong refreshed memory of when God spoke to me about something quite similar through two strangers. It literally took my breath away as I was instantaneously and powerfully reminded about it. Her words also explain pretty clearly what is going on in my life since those encounters as well. Maybe it's the same thing that's going on in yours too, I know I am not alone and I want you to know neither are you.

For me this has been years of deep longing to be set free to create with my hands and heart as I have been gifted to do. To use my abilities in a meaningful way to both add financial support to our household and to serve others too. For these many years something has always happened or been there to stop me or at least to slow down my creative work to a drip, drip, drip. There are days it feels like my heart wants to burst from it. But I am tempered by the understanding that God is at work even when I can't see what He is doing. After reading Kimberly's post I felt the strong nudge of the Holy Spirit to share my personal account of what happened when I was met by two women of faith at that women's retreat.  This account is not just what God said to me back then, but how He spoke, the method He used to reach me.
---
The Encounter:
Three years ago I attended a women's retreat for Free Methodist churches in our region. I went feeling deeply empty, spiritually exhausted and with everything in me crying out for God to do something, anything. I needed so very much to hear from Him that my whole being ached with desire for Him. It was during that weekend that I had encounters with two women who were strangers to me and who God used to speak to me, each sharing specific images He had shown them about my life, each sharing a very specific word of exhortation for me. When I first met these women I had no idea I was about to receive something from God through them. There were no signs, no goose flesh, no bells, no halos, no angel wings, no heavenly chorus, just common friendly conversation between spiritual sisters. What began as friendly interaction was transformed into life giving words when God moved in on our conversation. Through these women, God, beautifully and clearly delivered His message to me with such intimate detail there was no doubt it was directly from God.

The first morning of the retreat, during our free time, I sat down at the piano to worship in song for a while.  The first woman approached, listening, and then introducing herself.  She said she admired my playing and the lyrics of the songs, telling me they blessed her and ministered to her heart. She offered encouragement to me to keep writing as she felt God was blessing it. I graciously thanked her for the kind words and told her I was thankful she was blessed. We kept talking for a while and decided to go out for a walk down to a stream not far from the main lodge. Along the way she told me she had something she felt the Lord urging her to share with me, something about my life that He had shown her. This had never happened to me before but I figured what could it hurt and I agreed to hear her, though somewhat cautiously. We kept walking just talking casually until we reached the stream.

As we walked along the bank my new friend stopped and told me to look as she pointed over to a boulder out in the middle of the stream with water streaming around it. She proceeded to tell me how God had shown her that the stream of my life had been diverted and hindered by a boulder just like the waters of the stream we were looking at were diverted and that my life had even been stopped up by the boulder. She firmly but lovingly told me I would not be able to move the boulder out of the way. She went on to say only God could and would remove it. He would remove it and allow for my life to flow restored and without my lifting a finger. Relief began to sink into my soul and at the same time I was undone by her words, it was a near perfect picture of how life had been for me. Only God could have shown her that.

On the last day as I was getting ready to leave I was approached by the second woman who smiled and stopped me to ask if she could give me a hug. I needed a hug and I'm sure I looked like I need a hug, I was still a mess of emotions inside. But in all honesty, I had wanted to hug her too since I first spotted her in the crowd the first night of our retreat, but I kept missing her all weekend. I didn’t even know who she was, I only knew I wanted to give her a hug. I was so drawn to her I was actually glad to finally give her that hug, but even more thankful to be receiving one from her. As we parted from hugging she took my hands, looked me straight in the eye, and asked how she might pray for me. Oh boy, that did it. I broke into a blubbering mess right there in the hallway, crying so hard I could hardly talk. She took my arm and calmly said “We need to find somewhere quite to talk.” took my hand and let me to a quiet room where we wouldn’t be disturbed. 

As we sat there, I tried to again answer her question through the tears, but all I could get out of my mouth was how badly I needed God’s touch or a word, anything from Him. She suddenly sat up very straight and with authority said in her sweet but firm voice, "Honey, you need to quite trying so hard!  You let go right now, you need to relax! God's go this! Why are you trying so hard?"  Boy did that get my attention. What she shared with me next cemented that this was indeed God's message to me and that it not just her speaking, it was the Holy Spirit speaking through her. She explained how I was like a little plant who wanted so badly to grow and who was trying to, but there was this big rock on top of me that was making it very hard to grow. Then she shared with me how every time I tried began to grow so I could bloom, a foot would come and press down on top of that rock, pushing it down on me so I couldn’t. Then she told me I was not going to be able to remove the rock either.  She told I needed to just stop trying right to move that rock out of my way right now because I couldn't do it, that was God's job. As if that wasn't enough she said it again, telling me to RELAX and stop trying so hard, that God would move it and that I must trust God because He would do it. God was drilling His word into me through this lady who was barely five feet tall, what a powerhouse!  I think my jaw must have hit the floor as I listened to her words. How could she know this about my experience, my personality and my struggle? Certainly God had given her my number, there was no denying it.

After she finished sharing I confirmed humbly she was correct in what she had stated about me and repented of my self reliance and stubborn will. We spent some time in prayer over what had just been shared and my new found perspective and from that day on I knew that I knew, God had met me there, that He had heard my cries and He had spoken to me. That day I left that place renewed, trusting God fully, still not sure what He would do or when, but with my hunger fully satisfied and my spiritual legs were back under me and ready for whatever was next.

This was such a peculiar thing to experience, to have two strangers say nearly the same thing to me about things they could not have known outside of God showing them. I had read about this kind of thing in the Bible and understood what receiving a word of knowledge meant, but to actually be on the receiving end...and twice in two days, that was somethin'.  Through these beautiful and obediently loving sisters in Christ, I had been given a message quite specific to my life by my Heavenly Father.  (Oh there go the goose bumps again!)  The whole experience was so mind blowing, they didn't know me from Adam yet spoke so directly into my situation, even about my weakness, each making it crystal clear that the necessary work was NOT mine to do with the last lady going so far as to exhort me to stop trying so hard and telling me I needed to relax and let God do the work for me three times!  Seems sometimes God knows that we, that I, need to hear something more than once and sometimes from more than one person, even strangers.

This truly is the most amazing thing to me, I was in such a dire place and here comes God's spokeswomen who lovingly, obediently, tenderly and firmly, delivered God’s loving response to my crying out for Him.  They took part in something that changed my life that day which is why, when I read the words Kimberly wrote, the air left my lungs as I felt those written words strike my heart with the same force and tone of the twin messages those women had shared with me.  They were like deep penetrating chords so familiar they went through my body, I leaned into them to fully feel them and hear them as fully as possible. Her words confirming to me again that the path of my life still needs to be cleared, the hindrance has not been removed and I agree, I still feel its presence.  But this time it is different for me.  I know the problem and the problem isn't mine and that God sees it and my desire to grow and bloom, to thrive instead of just survive the way I have been doing for so many years.  And I know that yes, He will perform what He said He would on my behalf.

So with all that said, now I'm sitting here wondering what is God up to?  Why this reminder?  These thoughts came to me after I felt the harmony of Kimberly’s words to the word of knowledge and exhortation the two women had shared with me.   I share this because I am trying to process all of it still, and because I still feel the boulder that has been hindering my path has not been removed, I am still waiting.  I share because I need to confess that I know I still can’t move the darn thing.  Yes, I confess, I’ve tried a time or two but gave up quickly because I immediately recognized I was trying to do God's work myself again. I share this because I still shake my head in amazement at the love God demonstrated through those two strangers that weekend and I want others to have that same type of experience with Him.  And I share to say that the waiting time has allowed me to learn a lot about myself and my gifts since letting go of my struggle.  And maybe most importantly, I share this to say that God has done a refining work in me, to teach me to be quiet in my soul...well I'm still working on that one but am much better than I used to be, and I am much more at peace with God's timing and plan than I used to be...at least most of the time.

A passage in the Old Testament that has been very meaningful to me regarding the work God is doing in me and my situation is Isaiah 54:10-18
 
“For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake,
But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you,
And My covenant of peace will not be shaken,”
Says the Lord who has compassion on you.

“O afflicted one, storm-tossed, and not comforted,
Behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
And your foundations I will lay in sapphires.
“Moreover, I will make your battlements of rubies,
And your gates of crystal,
And your entire wall of precious stones.
“All your sons will be taught of the Lord;
And the well-being of your sons will be great.
“In righteousness you will be established;
You will be far from oppression, for you will not fear;
And from terror, for it will not come near you.
“If anyone fiercely assails you it will not be from Me.
Whoever assails you will fall because of you.
“Behold, I Myself have created the smith who blows the fire of coals
And brings out a weapon for its work;
And I have created the destroyer to ruin.
“No weapon that is formed against you will prosper;
And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their vindication is from Me,” declares the Lord.

People may look in from the outside and not understand what is going on with my life, but God is in the middle of it, in full control and working to bring about His will and blessing for me. He is good always.

~Patty~
For more on spiritual gifts God gives us read 1 Corinthians 12. 

P.S.  It is not lost on me how God uses so many references from nature...the boulders, the plant...you should see all the boulders I have dug out of my garden here at Tinkerer's Paradise.  And my delight with His fingerprints revealed in His glory in the garden...I just love how He does this. 

I Thought I Was Over That!

"I thought I was over that."  Have you ever found yourself saying that before? I found myself saying it after a recent conversation I had with some new friends where I suddenly realized I was lying to myself and was not over something that I kept trying telling I was.  It was blatantly obvious too as I sat there and blabbed away at how I had been so disrespected and it was just too competitive and hard to find someone willing to pay me to do what I do.  I resented the success of others, of those who didn't give me notice...so who did I think I was kidding?  Sadly the only fool in the room was me. 

In my statements it was clear I was still snarling at others in my past as I sat there licking old wounds.  That is exactly the picture I got of how I sounded as I heard myself share how I gave up a dream of a career path after it became such a frustration with door after door closing, of others who were "someone" getting all the business and God was not blessing anything I did along that path.  I cringe to even write about how I felt, it hurts to clean this wound and get all the gunk out so it can heal. 

I struggled with things in part because I am obviously gifted in many aspects of that career path and have a natural affinity for the subject of it.  I was not at all prepared for God's plans to not marry with my vision of where I was going.  Not prepared for Him to stop me cold in my tracks with disablitity that has brought huge refining in my life.  God sees something deeper, more profound in me that He wants to bring out and use.  My holding on to the past and licking my wounds does me no good towards being able to see what God wants me to do either.  Honestly I didn't think I was terribly stubborn about this but evidently I was more than I though and my holding on to this junk makes that pretty clear I've been resistant to letting go of my dream, something He wants to fully surrender to His will.

What I was sharing about in that conversation last night was how I had applied for a dream job that looked like a total "God thing" but ended in devastation and disillusionment.  This job opening looked like they had taken every area I had worked and volunteered in and designed the job specifically for me, right down to it the applicant not needing a college degree.  It would have paid more than I have ever made, had benefits better than anything I have ever had and sorely needed and the no college degree item was the jerk of the pole that set the hook in my mouth and led me to believe it was from God.  Presumption is such a trap that way. I jumped in with both feet on this one and as it turned out I was not called in for an interview, was not even thanked for applying but only given a short letter stating the job was filled.  WHAT!?  Not even a nod to my skills and a thank you?  Why how dare they!  Self righteously I stated I would never work for someone who treated applicants who took the time to properly apply as I did.  Why of all the nerve!  I mean how could they be so cold when I had even sought counsel on how to write that resume and had help editing it until it was clear I was more than qualified.  But it wasn't them that closed the door, it was God. 

I had honestly wished I hadn't say a word to anyone after it all came down as everyone was as shocked as I was and only fueled the first of disappointment and frustration over the whole ordeal. And since then I have found myself battling with resentments and being more jaded than ever about ever being able succeed in that industry so I tossed in the towel and have sat pouting about it ever since...though on the outside it isn't always evident.  God has seen it though and said "That's enough of that! It's time for a little attitude adjustment my dear girl".  This jaded, pouting, resentful attitude did not speak well of my trust of God and my so called desire to follow Him and He was done with it all.  So was I really but as happens so often, change sometimes takes time and a nudge from God before it happens.  Thankfully, God doesn't want to leave me here but wants better for me, in spirit and in my life. 

After the conversation and God's little tap on my shoulder, I began to think about all I was feeling and why.  Why am I struggling so?  Why, if I know that God has something better, am I even holding court with any resentment towards anyone or feeling sorry for myself?  Having such a cold response to that application was basically getting no acknowledgement for something I had given my life to as a career I was quite passionate about and had placed a lot of hope in, so didn't I have the right to feel that way?  You might think so but I don't.  Those feelings goes back to that old gnarly root of feeling the need for validation from man which ruled my entire life for decades.  I thought I had gotten over that too back when I realized the work of Christ on the cross, that shed blood, had removed all my guilt and His love filled me up so much I wasn't striving for validation any longer.  Well, evidently there was some root left that God made clear to me was trying to again take root and needed ousting.  But I am not discouraged.

These old roots of resentments tug at my heart, skew my perspective and misguide the trajectory of my life as I try to move forward in God's will.  My aim will be a bit off if I don't cut them away and let them fall to the side and will hinder me when I move to take steps forward into what God has for me.  They will color how I see situations and affect my relationships for the rest of my life and I don't that!  I want to see things the way God wants me to, have His truth do the affecting of those relationships and follow freely His lead...step by solid step in faith and trust.

God relishes my trust but I am not trusting if I am still feeling resentment, self pitty and putting the blame on others for something He actually did.  He was the one who kept closing the doors, even withdrew His blessings in related non-work applications of this doing all He could to get me to stop and change course.  Yup...it wasn't those evil HR people, it was God trying to get me to stay on His path for my life.  And those old resentments needed to go for they kept me lashed to that past experience and on the path of my own will as I refused to surrender them to the Lord.

It is not so easy to let go of that future I had planned out as I thought it was; it's even a little heartbreaking.  It's hard to not put all this up into God's face, all the hours and energy invested and the fact that  I have a natural gifting for it.  Hard not to say why did you allow me to like this so much that my heart is sick from hope deferred.  Then I hear God ask "Where is your hope really?" and I am undone again.  God said "No, I have something better."  Even I understand this truth it's still at times hard to not fall into rehearsing that hurt and talk about that frustration I feel.  But the Lord understands and is patient.

When people ask me what I do that's when it is hardest because I want so badly to be doing something but what I was planning on and had worked so hard for was denied me and now I am doing nothing.  Because of the change of my life's trajectory God brought forth I keep saying I am having to reinvent myself but that is really not true at all.  What I am trying to do is figure out how to follow God's path for my life which means finding what His will is for me in what I do with my gifts and talents.  I keep tripping myself up with things I need to let go of and feel like I can't get my legs under me and feeling frustrated for the lack of forward motion in my life.  This is what the reinvention for this Christ follower is really all about.  Reinvention is about restoring order in my spiritual life first and about creating that attitude within me that will not listen to every fickle whim of my heart and busy creative mind that at present has no real focus when it comes to career, at least non that is viable yet..  It's about creating that heart within me that will not run like the wind into what "seems" right and instead sit quietly waiting for Him to say go do this.  Creating that heart of peace and restedness that comes from complete and utter trust in God's will and purpose for my life.  O Lord, have mercy and help me get this one right.

Finally, I encourage you to take time to read Proverbs 16...the entire passage and do it prayerfully.  It doesn't take but a couple minutes at most and there is a lot in there relating to what I have shared here and more that we need to be reminded of.  I hope and pray that God will bless the reading of His word to your life.  Living a surrendered life is an amazing thing.



Copyright © 2013 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

Realizing Your Dreams; Some Thoughts and Perspective

Dreams like blooms opening on a warm day,
fill our mind with the fragrance of hope

Do you have dreams you want to see come to life?  Have you ever thought of why or what it would be like if you did?  I mean the good, the bad and the ugly?  And have you thought about what the payback or fulfillment of reaching those dreams might be?  It could be less fulfilling than you think.

This is a subject I have been pondering for a few weeks now as I work to gain a better focus on what is next in my life.  My blog bears witness to some of my struggle with lack of focus and I am hoping to change that, but anyhow, I figured you might benefit from some of what I have been thinking so here goes.  And please let me know what you think.  I would really like to hear from you and what you think about this subject.

Dreams vs daily living...using spiritual gifts and talents.
I recently stated in large group that I have a dream to be an inspirational speaker...I have been thinking about what that really means and why I would even want to do it and came to some interesting conclusions.

When someone has a dream to do something that seems really big or challenging, there is most likely an under-girding gift or talent and desire they tend to employ in their daily lives that would help give birth to their dream.  For me those things are speaking and writing like I do here on FB and through my journal writing.   I love encouraging others and even moving in the prophetic gifts, something I use with great care.  I speak to people every where I go, every day and I want my words to impact those I meet in a way that will change them for eternity.  That doesn't always happen but I am getting better at it all the time thanks to God's grace working in and through me.

Communication through spoken and written word is a talent and gifting I recognize I have and I don't say that with any pride for this is not always an easy gift to own.  It comes with many challenges and battles and only looks glamorous on the outside.  Anyhow, along with this gift has come this crazy dream of one day being an inspirational speaker.  I chuckle as I think of my goofy personality being on display on stage before a couple thousand people...but God uses whatever and whomever He wishes so I'm in. 

Now before you go all "hyper encouragement" on me, I want you to hear what I have to say.  This may seem like something really wonderful and great to go for but here's the deal; it is far more important to me that I daily speak with with the love and words of Christ to anyone I come into contact with than just to speak before a thousand people or ten thousand people.  That dream of mine, I only desire it if it is God's will for me, when I can go in with His blessing and power.   It's tempting to want to feel that adrenaline rush of being in front of large crowds and gain fame and those accolades of those who like what they hear...and it is a temptation trust me. The pride of life that feeds off of those fuels would only end in a big ol' face-plant on the pavement of life and I'd rather not thank you.  It can also have a lot of collateral damage in the lives of  others because it does not love, no matter how much we want to think it does.

I am constantly reminded that God requires us to be faithful with the little things He gives us to do, the quiet talents and gifts we have that sometimes seem so common and even homely.  They are important things in God's eyes, it is we who judge them otherwise.  He often gives us those to train us up for bigger things but not always, and people need those little things as much as the bigger more glamorous things, maybe more.  The little things can be very intimate things.  Think about it.

The reality is that we will always have the little things, they help to keep us grounded in humility and remind us Who is of supreme importance in this life.  They keep us from becoming too full of ourselves when we can recognize it's not about us and all about God being glorified.  So I may be completely capable of doing the thing I dream of and you may agree and are sitting there thinking "Go for it!", but God sees my heart and is the only one who really knows if and when I will be fit and ready, able to hit the mark He desires in the lives of those who He sends me to.

Another thing I was thinking about is how big events like conferences or hearing a famous speaker are often falsely perceived as wonderful watershed moments for us because we judge them based on our emotions.  They are by nature things that get us all hyped up and feeling rosy and sure God uses them and those amazing speakers/teachers we get to listen too but in reality they are only a flash in the pan in bringing forth lasting change in our lives.  That is why I want to live ready every day of my life and not focusing on my dream.  I want the impact of my words to be lasting!  And I don't want to be "famous" for what I say but want God's work to be the force and Him the famous one.  I want to be that simple woman that God can count on.  And I believe this in large part because hearts are more often won one at a time during the daily living of life than they ever are at large events.  That simple meeting at a grocery store or at work, wherever it is that God sets up that moment so we can pour out into that other person's life the thing they need from Him and the other person is open to receive.  I want to be that person in THAT moment because that is what leaves the biggest and more lasting mark in a person's life.

Do you have a spiritual gift or talent that God has been talking to you about using?  Are you challenged by it, have a passion to use it or is it something that seems twisted up inside of you that you are afraid of using or just don't see how God could use you? 

I am praying for you today that God will set you free in a profound way, tweeking your perspective and definitions to match His own so you can have greater confidence to use your gifts and talents.  I pray you will lay down your desires and take up His for when you do the glory will rightfully be placed upon Him and lives will be changed for eternity.  And the most amazing thing will happen...you will be blessed beyond anything you can imagine. 

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."
1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV

Copyright © 2013 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

A Promise of Celebration

The praising man in ice

If the little man in ice were real I know exactly how he feels...trapped.  This journey feels like being trapped sometimes....often asking "Will this struggle ever end?"  I've been asking that question a lot lately it seems and again my week started with having to face the challenges brought on by physical pain and weakness. I have been struggling internally and angry since the results of my recent MRI and talking with my chiropractor who was less than encouraging only made things worse. I found I have been wrestling with God about this whole issue because of how things are happening and not in a particularly healthy way either.  My wresting has been robbing my peace and causing me to become impatient with others, that person I don't like being. 

Even after God's specific instructions to wait, to let Him do the doing I still fight it.  It's easier to said than done to trust when you are someone who has always had to find help on your own.  It doesn't matter that God wants me to just be still and not fight against the way He is doing things, I want so badly to find answers and relief and it's not coming...at least not yet and this waiting is hard and I don't like it.  I don't think that it is that I don't think God will do something, it is that I don't know how to really wait or maybe what the heck am I supposed to do while I wait.  Am I supposed to do anything at all? 

God knows me well and all those internal struggles I go through and my heart that desires to please Him even when I struggling...yes I do want His will most of all.  So in spite of my struggling God being ever so patient and faithful knew exactly what I needed and did not correct me for struggling or failing to trust Him completely.  Instead He spoke quite clearly through a good friend as she stood and preached about God taking ugly things and transforming them...specifically the cross, into lasting symbols of redemption, grace and forgiveness.   Then these words came out of her mouth, "Your weakness will be your celebration." and I knew God was looking directly at me telling me what He is going to do next... Tears immediately began to stream down my face as I felt the finger of God touch my heart and my heart begin to let go of its struggle...but not all the way.

I must confess I don't know what it looks like at all to live transformed in this manner or even sort of feel that way about this life of pain.  And this letting go doesn't seem to be happening overnight as I found myself still struggling this morning.  Old habits die hard I guess.  All I know is that this struggle has robbed me of so much it has left me with little to feel celebratory about other than God is using it. 

Knowing all the Bible verses relating to such a word hasn't made me feel any better or turned me into an instant expert on it either.  That is only head knowledge and of little value when the soul is crying out for mercy.  What I lack is true heartfelt understanding of what it means...and it seems God is planning on showing me what that means.   This is same work that God did in the heart of King David enabling him to say "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing" in Psalm 30:11 and that same transformative power that takes a horrific symbol of payment owed for wrongs committed like the cross and turns it into a symbol of grace and mercy and of His love.  It is the transformative power God.

I find those words spoken through my friend so beautifully compelling and I hear is His voice, my Abba Father's voice, every time I read them.  It is as though HE is saying it to me out loud "This is my will for you and what I will do in you!" so I read them over and over again, letting the sound and spirit of them sink deeply in my spirit.

My heart is responding with such a longing to experience what God says He will do and my soul is encouraged.  My spirit is hungry for His good will to be accomplished within me.  Am I nervous about how it might happen?   Yes, I have to say I am, but I am not afraid and am not going to sit here and dredge up all the various ways I think that might happen.  That is just a waste of time and energy as I have no control of what God has planned...not to mention it would be the perfect way to open the door to worry and fear and become bound with anxiety.

This ability to celebrate will not be achieved any other way than by His work in me and only God knows how to accomplish the necessary work that will transform the pain of weakness of this struggle into my celebration.  It is God taking what is not and making it so, God taking what the enemy meant for evil and using it for the good of those who are His own.  It is the kind of thing that cannot be accomplished by human strength of will or through constant quoting of scripture and claiming them in faith any more than we can save ourselves.  This"celebration" will only become reality through the work of the Holy Spirit according to God's will in me...or in you if and when you come to this place in your walk.  Then and only then will this "celebration" be born in my/our hearts and not just in our minds, born of truth and not just something we worked ourselves up into "feeling".  It will not be the sinking sands of emotionalism or vain imaginations but foundational truth built in us by God...built in me and built in you.

This is one of those times when I can say, "Though my heart and flesh may fail me God is my strength and my portion forever" and really mean it.  If it were up to me I would just give up, through in the towel, get angry and stay angry, fill up with self pity or even self loathing and become a pitiful example of a suffering saint.  How grateful I am He is not leavning me as He found me and not forsaken me...or you too for that matter.  And I mean that. 

Here's to more adventures in discovery as God works in us in ways we could never imagine.   



Copyright © 2013 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

2013 Challenge: To Not Sew a Single Seed

Catalogs became the voice of the devil to me

What would happen to my life if I didn't sew a single seed in my garden?  I began wondering about this a few years ago when pain levels in my back began making it increasingly difficult to garden and have decided actually do it and see what will happen.  That may not sound hard to some of you, but for someone like me who has passionately gardened for decades, I am finding it at times to be very challenging.

For instance, those seed catalogs that I so love to see come in the mail have turned into the voice of the devil to me.  No more fun shopping those gorgeous photos of luscious lettuces and tempting tomatoes.   I wouldn't you know it, I opened my mailbox the day after making this decision and out popped two of my very favorite seed catalogs on the same day. "NO, NO, NO! This is not fair!" I shouted waving them in the air so God could see them and everyone else too, laughing at the irony of it all.  My neighbors must think I am a loon sometimes.

When the seed packets were put out at our local grocery store I just had to peek.  Just once you know...take a little peek to see if there was anything new this year which I realized was really seeing what I was going to be missing and a really bad idea too by the way.  Standing there in the isle in front of God and everybody I suddenly realized  I could not buy a single one of them even if I wanted to!  Resisting the temptation to envision gorgeous lush Mascara lettuce plants or killer Laciniato kale or beautiful Bull's Blood beets I could grow was awful and hard and sad.  The reality of it all, even though I knew it was good for me was harder than I expected and my eyes welled up with tears.  Suddenly I realized I had better get away from the racks before I lost it completely.

This whole exercise in letting go of growing from seed is probably good for me I keep telling myself.  Not probably, it is actually very good for me and for two reasons.  First, because I have chronic back pain, 24/7 rob your life kind of chronic pain, back pain that has gotten so bad that it is basically crippled me.  I can't sew seeds if I cannot take care of the plants and to take care of the plants I need to be able to shovel, which I can't do, and I can't kneel or bend to weed, and I absolutely cannot lug a hose...you get the picture.  (I still secretly dream of digging...I miss digging more than any others work in the garden.)  I know I need to be careful with what I do and that means the gardening has to go.  This pain was the impetus for my taking on this challenge which also has made it easier to accept.  Hopefully it will be a part of me sticking to it too.  Harder is convincing other people that gardening is not something I should be doing right now.

Some of you are probably wondering why I don't get my husband to garden. Let me stop you right there before you attempt to voice that thought...No! No! No!  That man, who I love dearly, is best when he just fixes things and stays out of the garden!  We all have things we just cannot do very well and his is gardening so don't even go there!  He proved that long ago when I trusted him to help water the veggie garden while I was at a family reunion.  I demonstrated what needed done and recommended what not to do and why...he did the later.  I got home to find half the tomato plants had died for lack of water because he thought he set up this smart watering system, the one I warned him not to.  I just cannot trust the man because he is always trying to do things by "sciencing them out" which almost always fails. (ugh...Sorry Honey...I love ya but you are no gardener.) 

At this point I have not been able to take care of the garden as it should be for three years and I am more than ready to let it go.   It has become a bit of a nightmare and needs a total makeover, as in an "extreme garden makeover".  Outside of a miracle that will not be happening by my hand unless I gain my health back and even then the desire to garden like I used to just isn't there anymore.

God has been trying to get it through my thick scull that there is something else He wants me do besides gardening which honestly was my whole life for several years.  I kept getting nudges to use other gifts and talents, like writing and art...not that I am incredibly artistic but God has this crazy way of taking what we have and making it wonderful so I am game.  But what should I do?  That was and is the big question for me right now.  There are enough options that it is making this pretty exciting actually. 

There are a lot of friends out there who know only that I know a lot about plants and little else about me.  It has been difficult for them to wrap their minds around the idea of me not gardening because it was my identity for so long.  To them I have always been "Patty the Plant Lady" and gardening is what I do!  I am Patty who talks in Latin and can grow anything from cuttings and Patty, the lady everyone goes to with their plant questions.  Yes, that WAS me, and I am still that person...just not like I used to be, I am becoming more.

Gardening and plants had taken up so much of my life I think I got lost in the process; I had become a "gardenaholic" as we gardeners jokingly say.  But honestly I think I really was addicted to it.  I used it as an escape, as my identity and I buried myself beneath it like a drunk hides in his bottle. The truer me was trapped beneath it all, my desires laying dormant, waiting to grow, to bloom the way God intended for me too from the beginning. 

This has been confirmed to me as since having to let go of being "the gardener" I have seen an increased desire to grow in other areas that were not as well cultivated as my plant nerd self was.  Desires to do things I used to do and some things I've never done before have been sprouting up like spring seedlings.  It's time for those other things to be brought forward and I am really excited by some of the possibilities.

So by laying down my trowel, the shovel and hoe, giving away all the seeds of temptation I have stored up in my pretty little heart and head, I am now opening my hands and my heart to what God has next.  I am getting ready for my next assignment and gaining better understanding of who this me is that God has designed so wonderfully.  Preparing myself in mind and body, through studying scriptures, reading books, working hard on getting my back health restored...it is me taking this journey hand in hand with my God, one step at a time.  It will be interesting to see where it takes me and I look forward to what I will discover.  Stay tuned!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plant for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.



Copyright © 2013 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

Unexpected Beauty In Letting Go

Hollyhocks, self sown, are among my favorites this year.
They help welcome everyone to the garden.

I have been looking out my window at the summer flowers in my garden and thinking about how much I have enjoyed them this year.  This is in spite of the fact that most of them were planted where they are without any help from me and grow in places I would have never wanted to plant them.

The wanderers
Jacob Cline Monarda and Cooley's Hedge Nettle

Between the mole moving bits of roots and bulbs around to things self sowing, it has become a surprise every year as to what will come up where and the garden has become less and less of what I planned it to be and more of a wild child.  In spite this the flowers are still performing beautifully...maybe more so than when I wielding control of it.

Adenaflora...Under the Quince tree?
I never planted it there!

I have spent many days in angst over what I have defined as the crying child who I am unable to console.  By that I mean I can no longer keep it weeded and keep plants in their places.  But as I think about what I have witnessed this year I have to say, in spite of this anxiety there has been a blessing  born in every new batch of flowers that open up...fantastic, beautiful, sweet and bold flowers!

This garden is a far cry from the well groomed, regularly mulched garden with trimmed chamomile pathways and plants kept within bounds that I used to maintain.  And as I consider what I am witnessing I think I have a huge lesson God is teaching me...I need to relax a lot more.  He has shown me that control does not give me what I think it will.  It only serves to make me feel I need to always be in control.  And if my efforts are all spent on control, how much do I miss out on when I am so focused on needing to be in control?  I think I have missed out on a lot of opportunities to see His beauty in my life because of this. But am hopeful for the future as I let go and let Him have His way as I remember that nothing is loss in God's economy.

Astrantia major doing a major job of self sowing
where Iris siberica 'David' also grows.

If you can relate to what I am saying then I encourage you to take today and try to enjoy the blooms you find in your life, especially those that pop up in unexpected and seemingly unwanted places.  And don't be afraid of let go of those plans for your life.  Let them go and hit the ground and let God raise them up like an emerging plant from a seed buried in the soil emerges in the right time.  Letting God direct and design the plan for our lives will bring about His best for us.

Bronze fennel self sowed amid the tulips
and I loved it!

Make room for what God wants to grow in your life, surrender to the Master Gardener.  Lay down the shovel of self-will, the wheel barrow of pride, the hoe of anxiety and the rake of rebellion and the tiller of selfish ambition and let His eternal beauty will begin to bloom in the garden of your life.  Ask Him for help if you are struggling with this.  I had to, my entire identity used to be tied to this garden back in the day.  I prayed to God that if it was not a place where He would be glorified and where people would be able to experience His love that He would take it from me.  He hasn't taken it from me but He has changed the garden and at the same time has changed my hearts desire for it.

Designed by my team of moles
Garden Phlox behind Nectaroscordum
Not bad, Not bad at all.

God's will is for our good; a good that is more often defined differently than we define it but in the end will bring forth such amazing beauty where only the weeds of sin once grew. May His beauty be born out in your life today as you start trusting Him for your future.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."



Copyright © 2012 by Patty Hicks
All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

Failure and Success

This morning I was reading in Psalm 27 which ends like this, "I would have despaired unless I believed that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living" and later the psalmist David goes on to encourage us to "wait for the Lord" but wait for what?  This waiting is not like waiting for a bus but rather it means to be at rest in the understanding that God is working and trusting in Him.  Its understanding that He does love us, that He has not condemn nor forsaken us in whatever situation we find ourselves in...even if it is one of our own making.  Oh we may have to eat the fruit of what we have done, suffering consequences here on earth for our foolishness, but if we are willing to be taught by it, honed by the hand of God, we will be utterly blessed and become usable instruments in the Master's hand.  Isn't that just amazing?

I've been doing a lot of thinking about God's faithfulness in the daily things of life like those ideas I get all too often, set out to do and miserably fail at accomplishing.  Its funny how we can one minute be all gung-ho for something and feel we can conquer the world and then a few days later or after physical disability realize it was a nice idea but we are just not that person yet, we're not there yet.  Case in point, my recent proclamation of my plans to keep a journal of what I eat and other aspects of my life that may impact my health and how that just is not happening.  It felt like it was time and I really thought I was ready to do it, but in reality I'm just not that disciplined of a person...at least not right now.  I would hope that someday I would be but the good Lord knows my weaknesses and I know He is at work despite the bazillion times that I fail.  That is why I love this verse in Psalm 27 so much.  I can still have hope even when I fail because God is always faithful.

This is a reoccurring theme in my life which I'm sure you have also seen in your own life to some degree as well.  We all are prone to it.  We are all flesh and flesh fails. But in each new day, in each new moment of life, with each breath we are given another opportunity to move forward, another hour, another minute, another breath. God does not pin us to the ground with condemnation because we fail, but is standing there at the sidelines cheering us on.  He rejoices over us!!  Yes, over YOU!  This is the beauty of God's mercy.  Though we fail He doesn't condemn us but loves us in spite of our weakness and failures.  He does want us to admit we are weak however and desires we see our need for Him and come to Him for help, forgiveness and restoration.

Then there is the other side to this issue...someone else delights in our failure. The enemy of our soul, Satan, loves it when we fail and comes swooping in on us with his weapons drawn to try and take us down and bring us to self pity and to a sense of worthlessness. Think about it, all those thoughts that batter the mind after a failure.

Satan knows we will fall for his trick if we are not putting our faith in God but in our own strength and abilities.  I sometimes think he can smell our weakness like a dog can smell fear.  He would love us to feel we are condemned because we failed at whatever it is we tried to accomplish and that we are worthless.  However, I can't find anywhere in the Bible that says God condemns us for our human failures save a failure to trust in the work of the cross, so why are we listening to those thoughts that come from the pit?

 Why do we believe such nonsense?  Because we don't understand how complete God's love for us is.  We are still seeking validation or feel that we have to perform to be loved.  If you are His you are loved, plain and simple.  You don't have to "be" something or someone in God's economy to be loved, you only have to be His!  He promises to use all things for our good too. 

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  (Romans 8:27-29)  This is diametrically opposed to what Satan wants us to believe and all those degrading thoughts we find ourselves thinking after we fail.  Why would God use something bad to produce good for me?  Because He gets glory for doing so and because He loves you!

I'm going to say this because it is very important in understanding the love of God and who God is!  READ YOUR BIBLE!  Memorize it, feast on the words in it. (Confession time...I have real trouble disciplining myself to memorize scripture so I'm speaking to myself  here too.)  If you don't understand something you read keep on reading...God will in time help you understand if you ask Him too...or even if you don't He'll still bring it to light but I highly recommend asking.  If you want to know how God thinks and who He is you have to read your Bible!  Reading the Bible renews our minds to be able to understand things from God's perspective and the area of success and failure, love and acceptance are key in our lives as those who trust Jesus.  This is important because by nature we strive for perfection, we work for validation, we lust for success...but what is "success"?  It's certainly not to attain to perfection and its not at all what most of the world believes it is.  Success in God's economy is trusting God, resting in His will, letting Him do for us.  This is what glorifies Him the most and that is what our lives are all about, bringing God glory.

It seems in our own minds we are very good at cooking up all sorts of "good ideas" and hatching plans that are most always linked to the wrong thinking that we are prone to as human beings. That is why reading and knowing what the Bible says is so key here. The photo below is a perverted form of a "Drumstick Allium" a natural occuring perversion which usually sports very pretty purplish flowers, but this one has this odd green hairlike growth instead...thus its name "Allium Hair".  Not nearly as pleasing as the original but worth a good laugh or at least some conversation. Someone probably even made some money off it too I'm guessing as it is in a lot of bulb catalogs and still a delight to plant geeks that like the odd look of it.  There is no accounting for taste...hey I was even sucked in by it back when I was lusting after plants.  And by the way, this is one that came up after I thought I had gotten rid of them all a few years ago.  Sounds a lot like how our mistakes haunt us doesn't it?

We often take our own ideas of what will be good or best instead of understanding what it is that God deems as best from His perspective and going from there. We often discover that we are incapable of attaining our desired results with the final outcome looking more like the weird little bulbing head on this Allium and its bad hair day than our intended goal and vision.  Sadly when we are striving in our own flesh, in our own understanding, we can only see this after we have failed unless God intervenes and taste the fruit of our labors or as in the case of this flowerless Allium, see the results for ourselves.  But God's desire for us often is something much simpler and surprisingly fulfilling and perfectly beautiful in its final results.

Did you notice in that passage from Romans 8 above that it said nothing about it being for our will but about "His will".  If you think for one second that your life is all about you then you need a reality check.  Its not at all about you but all about you bringing God glory. We were created to bring Him glory plain and simple.  The rest is icing on the cake actually and God loves to bless us.  I'm saying this because I used to act like life was all about me, it revolved around me...my being loved, accepted, validated and praised for what I did! I cringe at the thought of how I used to act sometimes but we as humans are predisposed to believe this and to act accordingly.  We make a royal mess out of our lives when we believe its all about us.  Funny thing is that God is still going to get glory for it and use it to teach us to see things from His perspective. Trust me He will if He hasn't already done so in your life, He can't help but do that because its who He is and because He loves us.  He opposes our proud, self centered natural man but by His grace and mercy will use that very failing in us to humble us and bring us to a greater peace than we could have ever known when we learn that its not about us at all.  That's God's way.

I don't claim to fully understand this truth but I have over and over again seen it demonstrated in my own life without exception.  How wonderful it is to understand this concept even in part.  It releases my heart to hope, but not in my own worthiness which when I look at myself in the mirror, seems to reflect my many flaws or even in my own strength which fails over and over again, but in God's faithfulness and loving kindness which will not fail.  That's just who God is and how He does things.  Isn't that amazing!!!

Proverbs 8:17-21

May God bless you with greater understanding of His unfailing love and faithfulness and may the garden of your life be filled with the beauty of Christ.

Thanks for stopping in and have a blessed day.

Copyright © 2010 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

It's Not Bad Just Different

What do to, what to do?  The past 18 years I have given myself to learning about, practicing and teaching gardening and now it seems that God is taking me in a completely different direction. I'm sure to others it may even seem that I am throwing away something I should hold on to.  My answer to them is that they don't live in my life, hear what God has spoken to me, nor traveled all the paths God has taken me down to get me to let go of my life completely and surrender my future to Him without reserve.  This is not at all a sudden change either but has been quite gradual, taking years of Him working on my heart and mind, teaching me to trust Him with my now and future and to be able to lay down the past so I can head into that future with Him.  And that is exactly what I intend to do.

I think the condition of my garden today says a lot of what my own human efforts to "make" my life have rendered.  There has been some beauty and benefit, but it has not been sustainable and as I look out over the garden, though it still bears some resemblance to the once beautifully kept garden of a decade ago, it demonstrates how helpless I am to really control things after all.  The flowers still bloom, the birds and bees still flutter around happily and the cats still lounge in areas that used to be chamomile paths though the chamomile has long since died out and been replaced by other ground covers and weeds.

So the garden is in full decline now and the chaos of nature has taken over where a gardener's guiding hand once fostered order.  I no longer have the strength to dig, weed and mulch and am finding the desire to do so eclipsed by something bigger that I cannot even explain except to say that it is something I can feel deep within my soul that won't let me go.  I want to make a difference in people's lives for Jesus and to fully surrender to whatever that looks like by God's definition and not mine this time.

The fence surrounding my garden is rotting away and was pulled apart by some errant youth who thought it fun to yank at the pickets leaving a wound next to the welcoming gate and a sad spot in my heart as I remember how cheerful it looked in its beginning.  How many plans in my life have also rotted away or been pulled apart by life's circumstances.


The weeds have taken to covering the unprotected soil that I used to mulch religiously so to smother errant weed seeds, disallowing them opportunity to ruin what I had worked so hard to create. My precious plants are now fighting among themselves for the right to survive in this ground.  I have no control anymore.  I look with some regret as the lesser desirables swallow a favorite plant eventually killing it out...and such is life.  Human efforts never last.  This is a hard lesson to learn when one no longer can tend to a garden loved or maintain some favorite work or effort that brought joy and satisfaction or maybe identity to their life.  I know this is not just my story but the story of many of us.

Chaos is not a beautiful thing but savage in my garden.  My eyes long for restful views with clean paths and mulched beds and plants that are kept within their bounds.  But that is life...and life must go on...so I look to my Savior to find rest for my soul and I pray my garden will one day be renovated or even erased so I won't hear its pleading cries as I peer into the chaos that reigns there today.  Renovated even as God has renovated my heart and life, pulling out the things that I had put in place of Him and what He wants for me so that I am a blank slate ready for my Master's hand. 

If you think me crazy or foolish because I don't walk the common path of human understanding and hold fast to what I have invested all that time in to gain the knowledge I have about plants then I guess I'm right where I need to be, looking the fool for Christ.  You see it isn't about what I know at all, it's about what He knows!  And only God knows what comes next.

Whatever "next" is for me is clearly going to be different than what was.  That does not mean it will be bad, just different.  When I begin to explain to people that I am laying down this "thing" I have been doing that everyone thinks is so grand, they all blanch and moan like its bad, giving me that "look" and trying to explain to me that they think its going to come back around or that I'm somehow mistaken.  But I don't care if I ever pick it back up again.  I'm done trying to do my own thing.  I usurped the gifts God had given me of exhortation and teaching into this thing called gardening because it was there, not because I prayed about it and was following God's will.  I did it to draw attention to myself, to be known as an expert and looked up to, to be found worthy and accepted and I'm quite honestly wanting to throw up right now at the distaste of this knowledge.  How thankful I am that God loves me enough to get in my face and show me the truth of my attitudes when they stink so I can turn away from them and be restored to what He has for me.  The beautiful woman of God, gifted and pleasing in His sight.

If you know me you may not have seen all of these things in me but they were definitely there and it was ugly. Me all puffed up in my knowledge and anxiously struggling.  Thankfully God would not let me continue on and finally broke me like that imperfect pot in the potter's hands that has to be broken and then softened so it can be reshaped.  I've suffered the breaking, the pouring of the water and the reshaping and the firing...but do not yet see for what purpose I am to be used.  It may and will probably be better than anything I have ever imagined which is what I expect as God is in the business of doing things bigger and better than anything we could ever ask or even imagine.

So go ahead God, knock my socks off!  Blow me away!  Take my breath away in amazement and make me dance with the gleeful delight of a child at the site of what You do! I'm all Yours...and I can't wait to see what You have for me next.

Copyright © 2010 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.