Saturday, June 18, 2011

Choking On Weedy Lies

This morning I was sitting here ruminating and writing in my little red book about why I begin a project and end up choking and not finishing I decided to share my thoughts with you.  I know I am not the only one who ever suffered with this feeling insecurity, thinking things need to come out perfect or that it won't be good enough and others won't like it.  These thoughts cause me to not follow through in bringing to life the creative ideas I have, starting but never finishing.

It recently came to the surface again as I began working on an idea I have for this little purple basket which I knew almost immediately what I wanted to make out of when I found why the self doubting?

I am hearing the voice of self doubt very loud even in spite of all the wonderful things I hear from so many of my friends and followers here on my blog who love how I write, who want to know how I do what I do and who truly enjoy and are inspired by what I share here.  I'm not saying this in pride it is just what is happening ALL THE TIME right now...a lot of you are saying really nice and encouraging things to me and I so appreciate it and I REALLY NEED TO HEAR what everyone is saying.  Your voices of encouragement are there for a reason.

It is a battlefield in my heart and head right now, discouragement on one side and all of you on the other.  The enemy of my soul would love nothing more than to squelch the creativity God has placed in me.  That is why I need to hear what you are saying.  Thank you, thank you, thank you and please don't stop!

That voice of self doubt and discouragement in my head is not a strange thing as it happens to people all the time.  In my head I liken its affect to that of "Nasty grass", a grassy weed that crops up in my garden that is so darn hard to eradicate.  It makes me feel at times like I will be forever doomed to never prevail against it.

The thing with "Nasty grass" is it can be overcome but it takes work.  One cannot just yank it out of the ground, oh needs to be dug out, its roots eradicated or will send out more and more underground stolons/roots and soon choke out the entire garden.   If you pull it out you will always leave behind those underground runners and before long, will find a new plant or plants growing to replace what you just pulled up.  Once well established it is very difficult to even dig out as it grows through the root systems of other plants further securing its future habitation in the garden.  It has such a nasty habit of reappearing just when you think you have it licked.  Nasty nasty stuff.
Nasty Grass...The white portions break off very easily to form new plants
"Nasty grass" must be dug out or killed using an herbicide, the herbicide being the most effective way of killing it.  I went out and dug some up so you could see what I mean by the underground runners/roots. The battle for victory in my mind is similar to my battle with this weed.  I have to apply the truth of God's word as the herbicide to the roots of these lies that I am a failure and unworthy to succeed or they will continue to choke out the beautiful creative nature God has placed within me.
Tough woody stoleniferous root that at each joint will send up a plant if left in the ground.
The lies in my life are a lot like a well established patch of "Nasty grass" that has been enjoying the space in my mind and heart since I was a child.  It has grown into and through every area of our life the same as it does the root zones of the plants that inhabit the garden until they weaken and even die out unable to compete.  If I am to win this war in my mind I will need to go deep, employing the herbicide of truth of God's Word to the roots of these nasty lies.  I have a lot of work to do...but I am ready.

I am bolstered by a confidence I cannot explain, that its time to come forth like blooms on a rose and bloom I shall and those lying weeds in my brain...they are going DOWN!  I am so excited I feel like I could just explode with joy at times.  I never used to feel this way ever...its amazing and truly something God has done in me and for me.

As a Christian, facing fear and living by faith is a way of life.  I either trust God or I remain increasingly anxious about my life.  There is a reason that we are admonished to "Be anxious for nothing, but with prayer and thanksgiving let our requests be made known before God."    That opens the door for God's peace to be spread abroad in our hearts, to cover them and we find rest for our souls!

It took me 5.6 years to learn this as I went through circumstances I would have never thought I would go through.  My faith was stretched and tried like never before.  But God showed He was always faithful, always there and attending to my needs and to my future.  So now as I look at these weedy lies about my creative abilities I see they are just another part of learning to trust my Creator with my future, my life and now my business.  I am also leaning on Him to help me get to the root of these lies that have held me back for so long.

I will be spending time in prayer and studying what the Bible has to say on this subject.  I am so excited to see the new growth of this gift of creativity come forth as the binding forces of these lies are laid to waste in my life in a greater way than ever before.

To everything there is a season and this is my season to bloom!
I am even a little amazed that I am here writing this right now, but God being faithful is bringing to pass exactly what He said that He would accomplish in my life, that the discouragement would be lifted from my life and I would grow and flourish.  And I am so excited and so very ready.

God does not want us to be bound by the voice of discouragement.  If you are in one of those times know that is not time lost.  With all your heart seek God, to spend time in His presence, to hear what He has to say about who you are and to take to heart those truths and wait...wait for God's power to set you free.

Copyright © 2011 by Patty Hicks
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  1. Lovely, heartfelt post. Thank you for visiting CedarBerry's facebook page. So kind of you. Your post, I relate to. I am winning this battle...except mine is with "Lizard Brain", Psycological term. I have been lead to read a book called "Walking in This World" by Julia Cameron. I cannot express to you what it has done for me because if you read it it will do something totally different for you. In fact it has inspired me to write a book and create a seminar on exactly this issue.
    Kudos to you for your hearts transparency on your blog

  2. Oh, I know that "nasty grass" voice of failure and self doubt very well.

    And I'm dying to know what you plan to do with that purple basket.

  3. Sandy...Thank you for the comment and I hadn't heard the term lizard brain for a while. I will have to take a look at the book you mentioned...thank you for the suggestion.

    Alison...It won't be long till the basket comes to life. Still looking for some things that are needed. I'm so excited! =-)