The Surface Tension of Our Heart: Why it can take time to receive God's Word

Why is it that it takes so much time for us to receive God's truth in some areas of our lives? I have asked myself this question numerous times.  God's timing is not like ours, I am always reminding myself of this and that is one part of it, but another part is that we can be pretty stubborn customers and breaking down that stubborn pride takes His resistance to what we are up to and that can take a lot of time.  God is careful about getting whatever it is out of His way so the work will be unhindered.  There are books on the subject, but I'm not writing one today.  Nope, today I want to share a pretty cool insight God gave me about resistance that came from the soil in my garden. It has to do with water surface tension, which translated for the purpose of my question into spiritual surface tension or  surface tension of the heart.  It speaks to how this tension affects our ability to receive the water of His word and helps explain the reason why it takes so long for some things to sink deeply in to our hearts.

There was a moment at a recent women's retreat where I felt that "sinking in" happening in all it's glory.  It was amazing.  It was a head to toe experience that I never wanted to stop. As I was thinking about that experience the Lord drew my attention back to the moment right before it when my soul wasn't really receiving in fullness from a truth I thought I believed.  If we took a look we would all have to agree there are those things in us that we know so well we only think we believe but in actuality we don't and because we don't we are not experiencing the fullness of what would happen if we truly did believe them, the fullness of power and blessing God has for us when we do.  In God's economy it is all or nothing, faith or unbelief...there is no "sort of believing" and just knowing something is not enough. He wants us to be all in, fulling invested and in full faith believing His promises.  He's not into lukewarm or fence sitting, He wants us walking on water with Him, believing Him for anything and everything, because He is God, the God of all things, Creator of the universe, the Great I Am.  And I was right there that morning, on the fence, with something I thought I was doing, thought I believed.  And God was not surprised nor was He angry with me for not getting it.  He was about to show me I had little true depth of understanding in it, the true faith of it had not saturated my being like He desired it to and then take me to a whole new level of understanding. A level of knowing that is beyond the mind, where I would experience seeing in my spirit and then the actual physical sensing of it, that "knowing that I know", and He was going to do pull out all the stops to begin to make that faith deeply mine.

"It Is Well"
"Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well"

Our speaker, Di Endicott lead us in singing this beautiful song, I had been hungering deeply for God, for change in my life, for an empowering breakthrough. As I began to sing these words I put all I was before the Lord and was quickly, but gently, interrupted by "that voice".  The Lord asked me, "Is it really? Is it really well with your soul?" Nothing is hidden from God I know this, but I also know how good I am at lying to myself.  I was busted, there in the midst of my sisters as we sang my heart was laid bare before God.  At that moment with no shame I had to confess it did not "feel well" within me at all. Actually I didn't even have to say it, I thought it, and God wasn't surprised by my thoughts, He already knew I didn't. "Sing it to yourself, tell your soul it is well!" He told me, urging me into unknown territory in His strong gentle way. My eyes overflowed with tears, I choked out the lyrics singing..."Through it all, through it all it is well." speaking to my soul, not to God, but to my soul.  "It is well, it is well.  It is well, it is well.  It is well, it is well, with my soul."  The moment I had taken that step to obey, I found mind flooded with an image of my body and what I can only describe as it's spiritual circulatory system and sensed the blockages and pain and then, just as quickly, I was given grace to receive what I was singing to my soul...the wellness of my soul by faith. As I sang out of this deeper place of faith, my understanding opened up and the sensation of wellness flooded my entire soul and body!  O, if only you could have seen it, if only you could have felt it!  I was undone.

How God does this just amazes me. How I had never experienced it before, I can only chalk up to this thing, spiritual surface tension, that needed to be broken in me by God the Master of all gardeners, through His nurturing care of my soul.  At that moment I, for the very first time, fully receive this promised wellness within. It was the very first time I had ever experienced it with such bold honesty and I hadn't even asked for it too which really blew my mind. But the Heavenly Father knew how much I needed to experience it, He knew the lack of wellness within me and He did all He could to bring me to the place where I would be able to receive it.  Oh how I wish I could give you what I received in that moment. How I hope if you have yet to, that you will and soon.  It is my prayer that our Lord will make it so.

So what does this have to do with this "surface tension" I keep referring to?  How does this fit in?  As I sat here writing in my journal about the retreat and being flooded by wellness God gave me a very clear picture in my mind of a bead of water sitting on barren dry ground and how it just rolled off and away without sinking into the soil leaving only a damp spot on the surface.  I knew exactly what it was immediately, soil surface tension.  He was speaking to me about how this image of water being unable soak into dry ground freely was connected to my experience at the retreat. Well that was interesting, I had never thought of there being any correlation between the two.  This is so cool.

Have you ever poured water out onto very dry soil and noticed how the soil resists the water and the water just sits on top of the ground in a fat bead and actually will run off without hardly wetting the soil at all? Have you ever wondered why it does that? Why won't the soil just soak that water like a sponge? What causes there to be such resistance between the two when the soil obviously needs the water? The reason this occurs is because of something known as " surface tension" which affects the soil's ability to draw water down into it and it occurs when soils become overly dry. The soil in this state has become what is known as "hydrophobic".  This means it is resistant to water being absorbed into it.  This happens when the molecules of the water become more dense than the soil. (Nerdy I know)  It's sort of like what happens with magnets when their poles are at odds with one another and instead of pulling together they push apart, sort of. 

The way to avoid having to deal with soils that do this is to take care of the soil properly by being sure it has good levels of organic material in it (humus) and keeping it hydrated.  If the soil does become hydrophobic it is reversible and the tension can be broken, but it takes patience and careful slow watering to get the soil back to where it will do a good job of water absorption. After that the addition of organic matter and basic soil care are in order.  Now for the spiritual aspects of this. 

There is a similar tension with us, a spiritual surface tension of the heart, and when I look at it in relationship to surface tension seen in the illustration God showed me I can see parallels to what happens in our hearts versus what goes on with hydrophobic soil.  There are clearly things that affect our hearts ability to absorb what God desires us to have, things that rob us of that water of life, the water of His word.  Things that cause this tension and resistance to those truths that will set us free, those things that strengthen our faith and lives so we are able to produce good fruit.  This parallel helped so much to explain why it takes time for things to sink into our lives and it gave me more hope, because God is far from finished with His daughter.

Hydrophobic soils are frustrating and can be troublesome to deal with for a couple reasons, the main reason is the obvious lack of water and a secondary reason is when the soil contains the type of organic matter more prone to becoming hydrophobic and usually is more that way than the soil itself is. Why does this matter to the message?  Because what we put into our lives, our thinking and our system of beliefs, will feed our soul and spirit, or not.  When they are the wrong thing, or unholy compost as I like to call it, they produce this same hydrophobic tendencies in the spiritual realm of our heart and cause a desert bareness of the soul.  This spiritual surface tension resists the truth of God when He goes to pour it into us.  This is why God's patience and forbearance with us is so important for us.  If He wasn't He would just hang up the watering can and go find another heart to garden in! 

How can you know if you have taking in this unholy compost?  Get serious, pray, seek God and take time to hear Him!  Ask Him for discernment to see the things hindering His word in your life and fearlessly surrender the deep places of your heart, not just those up front that are less painful and easy to get to places...DIG DEEP!  The root of the lies we have been led to believe run deep.  I pray God will give you the desire to get every last one of them OUT once and for all, to destroy what Satan has tried to destroy you through, because he has tried to.  Okay, where was I?

Unholy compost are those lies rapped up in just enough truth that unless we are careful we can fill our lives up with them because they "sound good".  Beware of them, these things even in good times are suck us dry spiritually and will leave us thirsting, but in a desert place can be devastating to to one's faith.  To be sure, none of us is perfect, we have all made mistakes like this to one degree or another.  Go to God when you are made aware of this unholy compost in your life.  And remember, God is continually pouring out His truth to us, giving us all we need through Christ our Savior.  He desires our best, our blessing, that we produce good fruit and you can bet He'll will do whatever it takes to ensure that fruit comes to harvest in us.  Okay, back to the soil.

There is no fast and easy way to reduce soil surface tension. It can't be broken by applying lots of water all at once, any more than we can have that "know that I know" kind of faith by consuming copious amounts of scripture, it doesn't work that way. The method used to break soil surface tension is by watering slowly and steadily, over time, sometimes for several days.  It's because it can only seep into a very thin layer of soil and so it has to go from one depth to another to another until that tension between the soil and water is mitigated and the water can be taken up fully and deliver it's life giving properties to things living there.  Yes, it seems quite similar to what God does in us over the course of our life to work His truth well into our hearts.  Now do you see why God gave me the picture He did?  

Surface tension is also why we see flash floods happening in drought ridden or desert areas when a they receive a normal to large amount of rainfall quickly. Flash flooding waters flow along the top of the ground because that surface tension in the soil has not been broken yet.  I've experienced a very similar type of spiritual flash flooding in my own life those times where I get filled with emotion as I am washed over with a flood of truth, but my heart is properly prepared to receive it and within hours I am back to where I was, parched dry and unchanged. This flash flooding of our spiritual life is that quick dose of emotion and inspiration we get from  hearing an exciting message or what we experience in a really cool worship concert.  We feel revived, alive and ready for battle, ready for anything and praise God.  Certainly God is changing people there and pouring into them deeply, but so often it's all adrenaline and emotion. Unless the Holy Spirit has done the necessary work to break the spiritual tension within our hearts, those flash floods of truth will flow away into memory and we'll be again standing on the dry ground of our lives wondering why things didn't stick.  (Lord have mercy.)

I should also mention this tension in the soil is not just at the surface which is why it is so problematic and takes so long to break.  It goes as far down as where ever the soil has become parched. If we believe it is only at the surface we lack proper understanding of this whole of it's impact and will continue to water as if the water will move as it should when it won't.  This lack of understanding will cause our gardens to fail to thrive, while we stand there wondering why.  And it's all because we don't understand the full impact of that tension in the dry soil, and so it remains parched and dry, physically unable to take up the moisture. Isn't that true of our spiritual lives too?

The continual dryness in the soil of a garden causes all kinds of issues, from stunted plant growth to proneness to disease, damaging desiccation of the leaves and stems, blasting (sudden death) of flowers, lack of fruitfulness and even eventually death of the plants. Does any of this sound familiar to you in your spiritual life? I know it does in mine. There are things I have wondered about that I know God has planted in me that I have always desired to grow in and felt hindered to do so.  Same with my personal life too but as I believe the two are intrinsically bound in my service and faith in Christ they go together for me.  That morning as I was stepping out in faith, speaking to my soul "it is well with in me", God broke through where I could not in my own strength and did things in me I didn't even know I needed done.  And I think I finally know why in my garden here at home we have suffered with this kind of soil problems for so long. God really knows how to set up an effective object lesson. Anyhow, as I thought about that image God gave me I realized it is so like what He did with me over time to bring my heart to be able to receive the fullness of that statement "It is well within me", a verse in a new song we learned that weekend.

I really don't like that my heart can be like those hydrophobic soils and resist what God is wanting me to take in. Understanding how breaking surface tension works sure helps to take the fuel out of my frustration though and helps me to be more forgiving of myself.  It gives me a window into understanding how God is at work in my own life.  For my heart so needs that soft repeated application of the water of His truth, like watering parched earth, to get it to the point where it will finally sink to depth it needs to go and I will become alive with it and thrive in spirit and truth in that area of my life. 

As I look back on my thirty plus years following Christ, I can see how this has happened over and over again in my life and the truth is that it will probably will be for the rest of it too as God breaks into those hidden places of my heart, those neglected spaces and gets to work performing His will in me. Yes, I believe this is exactly how God works in us to bring the living water of His truth into our parched souls, from the time He begins to woo us until He calls us home to heaven.  He offers water to the thirsty soul, love to the hungry heart...a little at a time over a long period of time, soaking in a little deeper with every drip, drip drip, until our hearts are ready to fully receive it and it brings forth life in us! 

I hope this has given you some food for thought and some encouragement.  God works all things out for His glory, for the good of those who He has called. 

~Patty~

P.S. The song lyrics quoted in this post are from the song "It Is Well" Written by Kristene DiMarco and produced by Bethel Music Publishing.  You can hear the entire song at the link provided above.

Copyright © 2014 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

When Breakfast Brings A Burden: How Can I Eat When Others Are In Desperate Need?

With the devastation in the Philippines from Super Typhoon Haiyan we are all reminded of how much we have to be thankful for.  Personally I am often overwhelmed with emotion with thoughts of it and the bombardment via news media can be crushing. Overwhelming too is trying to comprehend the scope of what it must be like for them which from all accounts is far worse than our technology is able to allow us to see.  And I know probably think about it too much in my empathy. Lately I am finding my self trying to work out what I should or could do with the knowledge I have of the need. But have no idea what to that is...it is just so big! Where does one start when the need is so great and helplessness is reality?

As I made myself a bowl of hot cereal this morning, the suffering souls in the Philippines crossed my mind again. The stark contrast of my blessings and their need gave me pause and I stopped to give thanks to God for this most basic of supply and asked for His help for those suffering...but the experience didn't stop there for me like it usually does.

Facebook timeline post November 14, 2013:  "Day 14 - thankfulness - I am thankful for the simplest most basic supply of food and water which today became so much more."

As I took that first spoonful of hot cereal into my mouth I found I could not get it down when a wave of emotion laden thought of those in desperate need came over me; my heart was overwhelmed.  I struggled with the feeling of being so blessed to have food and water in abundance and not knowing what if anything I could do to help these suffering souls.  It was not guilt but true compassion and it was a strange dichotomy of emotion, this feeling of being blessed but feeling so utterly helpless and wanting so badly to help.

The blessing of supply God has given me in juxtaposition of the need of others surprised me sending my heart to my throat, effectively closing off my ability to swallow for that one moment.  It was just long enough to make me ask, "How could I eat when others had none?"  Like so many of us I am wanting to put my hand to some work that will make a difference in times of tragedy like this.  I want to help my neighbor, to be a part of meeting their need.

As I began to partake of this simple supply of food it suddenly transformed and became not only sustenance for my body, but a catalyst in my heart for wanting to serve.  I took that first swallow and before I could eat more and with every bite it seemed I was praying for how I might help, praying for guidance and discernment beyond the blinding emotions of sorrow for their struggle.   I must remind myself to not take up a fools mission in the strong emotional bath I so often find myself in when I consider the gravity of the suffering of others, it will lead to little good.  My obedience to God's will is what will accomplish what is best and accomplish the most possible good, as it does in all situations...so I wait and pray.

As I considered the great need for food and water in the Philippines I was also reminded of the words of Jesus in Matthew 6 urging me again to not worry, not just for my own need this time, but for the great need of this myriad of hungry thirsty others in the world, especially in the Philippines.  So I will wait for His direction and ready myself to serve, whatever that is.  If His direction is only to pray I will be glad, as prayer is the currency of Heaven.  And as I pray I will remember that once centuries ago a widow gathered empty jars which God filled with oil to meet the needs of her and her son, and on the hillside after Jesus spoke, thousands were fed when God multiplied a pitiful amount of bread and fish and everyone went away satisfied.  All of this happened when people were obedient to God's direction and these are only two of many accounts.  I know it doesn't always turn out with miracle provision, but it does give me hope and an understanding of the character and capability of God to meet any need.

Matthew 6:26 - Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
So I give thanks for this simplest of supplies and ask God to help me take on His compassion that will, as He wills, bring aid to others. 

Every act, every prayer, chips away at the mountainous need before us. Lord help us help the suffering. ~Patty Hicks~


Copyright © 2013 by Patty Hicks
All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

And Yet I Do Not Fear: Thoughts After the Boston Marathon Bombing

Yesterday, April 15, 2013, 2 bombs explode near the finish line of the Boston Marathon…3 dead, 144 injured that we know of today.  I cannot wrap my mind around the senselessness of this event.  Why do people feel this kind of act is necessary?  Such acts are beyond my comprehension and I struggle to understand…we all do.

Those bombs tore relative peace from the streets of Boston and the lives of thousands of people.  Again terror has entered our reality; forced upon us by hate-filled individuals who have sought to cause us to fear them, have sought some sick retribution in their twisted self-righteousness.  Even here on the other side of the continent I feel the concussion from this terror filled blast.  Honestly my heart and mind are tempted to fear as I struggle with the why but this morning in stead of fearing I find I am looking to the heavens, to my God and I am not afraid; I do not understand and yet I am not afraid.  I have been deeply shaken yes, but I am not afraid, I pray and cry, but I am not afraid.

My heart weeps for the loss of the little 8 year old who was killed, weeps for the ones who died and for those physically injured.  I weep for those loved ones the blast left torn, for the damage done in the hearts and minds of all who are touched by this event across this nation and across the world.  I weep for the painful struggle I know many will have to endure as they heal…struggle in their bodies of pain, in their heart and minds to not give up as they overcome the pain they feel.  I weep in prayer for those with hidden injuries that only God can reach in to touch in those heavily guarded places of the heart.  Those injuries that might break open a hardened heart to their need for the Savior…wounds that go deeper than flesh, injuring the sense of peace and the comfort of the safety we have known.

I look to God and understand that He saw this.  He saw it coming.  He knows who did it and why.  Knowing this does not make it easy and I find I am tempted to want to know why He did not intervene but stop short of asking.  God so often does things outside of human understanding and honestly even if we knew it may not bring satisfaction.  It is enough for me that I know the character of my God and His ultimate purpose to use what the enemy meant for evil for His good and for His glory somehow.  It is enough for me that I know His ways are not our ways and that this world is fallen and evil resides here and will until Jesus returns to claim His bride…until Christ returns to judge the living and the dead.

I do not strive to understand things to great for me regarding this senseless, evil act, but only strive with the love of Christ to carry in prayer those affected by this terrible event before my Heavenly Father and to ask that those who are responsible will be brought to justice.  So I pray for strength of heart and spirit for those attending the wounded and for their families.  I pray that the goodness of God will surround those who have been wounded, His comfort, His peace…sheltered beneath His wings in this terrible storm of affliction.  I pray also that lives will be shaken enough to realize their need for Jesus, the hope for the hopeless.  The song “He Is Our Peace” courses through my mind as I pray…(Father we long for peace outwardly and find none, may we look to You for peace inwardly, eternally.)

I know that even if and when the perpetrator is found and convicted, this will not bring and end to evil here, it is only one more event in many we will suffer along the timeline of this earth's history.  We have for centuries been spared violence at the hand of our enemies here in our country, separated from those who would seek to do us harm and for many decades have not had to look terror in the eyes as they do daily in other parts of the world.  But it seems those days are fading, coming to and end, and the days are darkening as a way has been left open for such men to do their worst here.  So I pray for faith that will not fail, for a heart of greater understanding…and for His mercy.  I pray that we will see God’s goodness, actually I know we will, even though the perpetrator meant this thing for evil, but I still pray and ask for it.

Lord God, Lord Almighty, I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ, May we all watch how we speak about this and remember that vengeance is Yours and give You room to enact that vengeance as You see fit.  Keep our hearts from seeking retribution and from calling blame!  Help us to walk in the fruit of the Spirit and help us to do Your will.  Help us to be Jesus to those around us who are struggling to understand and may Your peace be upon us and evident to others.  Help us to not sin in our anger over this event but help us to love as Jesus loves, to pray for our leaders and our enemies.  Be glorified in us today. 

A Promise of Celebration

The praising man in ice

If the little man in ice were real I know exactly how he feels...trapped.  This journey feels like being trapped sometimes....often asking "Will this struggle ever end?"  I've been asking that question a lot lately it seems and again my week started with having to face the challenges brought on by physical pain and weakness. I have been struggling internally and angry since the results of my recent MRI and talking with my chiropractor who was less than encouraging only made things worse. I found I have been wrestling with God about this whole issue because of how things are happening and not in a particularly healthy way either.  My wresting has been robbing my peace and causing me to become impatient with others, that person I don't like being. 

Even after God's specific instructions to wait, to let Him do the doing I still fight it.  It's easier to said than done to trust when you are someone who has always had to find help on your own.  It doesn't matter that God wants me to just be still and not fight against the way He is doing things, I want so badly to find answers and relief and it's not coming...at least not yet and this waiting is hard and I don't like it.  I don't think that it is that I don't think God will do something, it is that I don't know how to really wait or maybe what the heck am I supposed to do while I wait.  Am I supposed to do anything at all? 

God knows me well and all those internal struggles I go through and my heart that desires to please Him even when I struggling...yes I do want His will most of all.  So in spite of my struggling God being ever so patient and faithful knew exactly what I needed and did not correct me for struggling or failing to trust Him completely.  Instead He spoke quite clearly through a good friend as she stood and preached about God taking ugly things and transforming them...specifically the cross, into lasting symbols of redemption, grace and forgiveness.   Then these words came out of her mouth, "Your weakness will be your celebration." and I knew God was looking directly at me telling me what He is going to do next... Tears immediately began to stream down my face as I felt the finger of God touch my heart and my heart begin to let go of its struggle...but not all the way.

I must confess I don't know what it looks like at all to live transformed in this manner or even sort of feel that way about this life of pain.  And this letting go doesn't seem to be happening overnight as I found myself still struggling this morning.  Old habits die hard I guess.  All I know is that this struggle has robbed me of so much it has left me with little to feel celebratory about other than God is using it. 

Knowing all the Bible verses relating to such a word hasn't made me feel any better or turned me into an instant expert on it either.  That is only head knowledge and of little value when the soul is crying out for mercy.  What I lack is true heartfelt understanding of what it means...and it seems God is planning on showing me what that means.   This is same work that God did in the heart of King David enabling him to say "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing" in Psalm 30:11 and that same transformative power that takes a horrific symbol of payment owed for wrongs committed like the cross and turns it into a symbol of grace and mercy and of His love.  It is the transformative power God.

I find those words spoken through my friend so beautifully compelling and I hear is His voice, my Abba Father's voice, every time I read them.  It is as though HE is saying it to me out loud "This is my will for you and what I will do in you!" so I read them over and over again, letting the sound and spirit of them sink deeply in my spirit.

My heart is responding with such a longing to experience what God says He will do and my soul is encouraged.  My spirit is hungry for His good will to be accomplished within me.  Am I nervous about how it might happen?   Yes, I have to say I am, but I am not afraid and am not going to sit here and dredge up all the various ways I think that might happen.  That is just a waste of time and energy as I have no control of what God has planned...not to mention it would be the perfect way to open the door to worry and fear and become bound with anxiety.

This ability to celebrate will not be achieved any other way than by His work in me and only God knows how to accomplish the necessary work that will transform the pain of weakness of this struggle into my celebration.  It is God taking what is not and making it so, God taking what the enemy meant for evil and using it for the good of those who are His own.  It is the kind of thing that cannot be accomplished by human strength of will or through constant quoting of scripture and claiming them in faith any more than we can save ourselves.  This"celebration" will only become reality through the work of the Holy Spirit according to God's will in me...or in you if and when you come to this place in your walk.  Then and only then will this "celebration" be born in my/our hearts and not just in our minds, born of truth and not just something we worked ourselves up into "feeling".  It will not be the sinking sands of emotionalism or vain imaginations but foundational truth built in us by God...built in me and built in you.

This is one of those times when I can say, "Though my heart and flesh may fail me God is my strength and my portion forever" and really mean it.  If it were up to me I would just give up, through in the towel, get angry and stay angry, fill up with self pity or even self loathing and become a pitiful example of a suffering saint.  How grateful I am He is not leavning me as He found me and not forsaken me...or you too for that matter.  And I mean that. 

Here's to more adventures in discovery as God works in us in ways we could never imagine.   



Copyright © 2013 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

When It Makes No Sense

Life makes no sense sometimes...probably more times than I want to admit, though most of the time what seems crazy doesn't really matter and is nothing more than a glitch or a bump in the road and life goes on without a hitch.  However, yesterday I received news in a phone call that shook me...news that I am still trying to process.

Like two colors of flowers on the same plant a lot of life seems to make no sense.

I was just getting ready to hit the door and do some grocery shopping when the pastor of my church called.  "Hi Patty" he said in his normal fashion.  "Hi John. What's up Pastor?" I replied.  "I am afraid I have some bad news." he said.  I was already imagining that one of our elder members had passed away and was prepared to hear the news, but what he said next sent my mind into a spiral and my heart broke in to shards like a glass jar cast onto a stone floor...."Hotaru took his own life Sunday evening" .  It hit me so hard I had to sit down.  To put how shocking this was to me into perspective for you, when my brother phoned to tell me my sixty nine year old father died I took the news standing up.  He was older, I was seemingly somewhat more prepared for that news, but this, this came out of nowhere.

Always loving to be in the picture, a life now lost

Hotaru was a young man, full of life and strength and spirit, who loved to sing and play is "giter" (guitar).  He was the kind of person who lit up a room with his smile.  We loved him, his passion, his ability to share his heart with us and his burden for his Japan, his silliness (yes it was a gift to us).  I can still hear his "Hello Pattyee!" as we greeted one another and his huge smile that it seems, too well hid the demons that haunted him.

Hotaru was student, studying to become a pastor in who hopes of returning to his native Japan to serve as a pastor to the people he loved most.  My pastor and his family have known each other for many years and Hotaru was a part of our fellowship and we watched over him like a son.  We had seen him walk through some deep emotional times but always rise again to a place of hope and faith.  What we could not see that somewhere in the recesses of his mind despair had laid a foothold somehow but it seems we may never know what that was as he left us no parting note, no message to explain what he was thinking. 

Upon hearing the news I felt numb and shaken at the same time, my mind running at warp speed to try and wrap this up in some tidy understandable package...but there was no tidying this up, no understanding why; it made no sense! How were we to ever know when he did not appear to be in trouble but seemed to be doing well?  Over and over again I am looking at what he did that was so different this time from previous times that would have sent a signal that we somehow missed...that flag of help we missed.

His family is flying in from Japan and will be here for the next few days to gather their son and take him home.  They will be with us this Sunday and I long to see them, to let them know how I grieve with them and how I too loved their son.  O how my mother's heart grieves for his mother as I too have a son and cannot imagine such a thing happening.  I weep deeply for her, for her loss and with his entire family.  I weep for his father who had such hope for his son who was following in his footsteps willingly and passionately...and for his sister who has lost the companionship of her brother.  How painful this must be.

How are we to ever reconcile in our hearts and minds I don't fully know.  We may never be able to as there is no note and no clear clue left behind.  How does a mother, father, brothers or sisters, friends or others make sense of any of this?  For me personally I have only one thing I can cling to...that God is the only one besides Hotaru that knows what happened and why.  For me this is enough and is helping me to realize I cannot feel guilty for things hidden from my eyes.  That may sound rather cut and dried but it is the truth that I know that guards my heart from displacing guilt onto my shoulders when there is non for me to carry. 

Where is the sense in this thing?

The enemy of my faith would love to have me feel guilty, but I refuse to listen.  My sweet brother in Christ hid away from us all that which would make us otherwise accountable.  So I will instead stand with the psalmist David in trusting in my God whose ways are not like the ways of man...and who somehow brings good out of very ugly situations over and over again.  David writes in Psalm 27:13 "I would have despaired unless I had believed I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living."  A confession of faith in the One who never changes, who knows the number of our days, who sees all things hidden...who knows the true intention of the heart of a man and who will not share his glory with another.

So often blame is laid on God for things that bring us pain.  He may have foreknowledge of things that will happen but that does not mean it pleases him that they do happen.  He grieves for those lost, for the mother in her pain, the father as he casts his last glance upon the face of his beloved son.

His blessings are found in the midst of the storm

A few years ago I penned some lyrics in a song about life..."You see life isn't easy, you see life isn't fair"...this truly seems to be most unfair for those of us left behind.  However, I am reminded that God's economy is not like mine, like ours.  There is no "fair" as we define fairness in God's economy.  He does things his way, uses things we think impossibly horrid and produces immeasurable blessing in our lives.  I have seen it in my own life over and over and over again as I walked through things I never dreamed I would have to endure.

Laura Story wrote a song that has great comfort in its lyrics and become one of my favorites as it speaks so well of this love God has and His blessings wrought out of great trials.  We so often look at trials as anything but blessings when often they are God's greatest blessing to us causing us to draw us nearer to Him and what could be better than that?.  I pray this unimaginable thing we have born witness to will do the same for Hotaru's family and all who knew Hotaru, and for his Japan.

Rest in peace my Brother...I miss you.
Blessings, by Laura Story

Choking On Weedy Lies

This morning I was sitting here ruminating and writing in my little red book about why I begin a project and end up choking and not finishing I decided to share my thoughts with you.  I know I am not the only one who ever suffered with this feeling insecurity, thinking things need to come out perfect or that it won't be good enough and others won't like it.  These thoughts cause me to not follow through in bringing to life the creative ideas I have, starting but never finishing.

It recently came to the surface again as I began working on an idea I have for this little purple basket which I knew almost immediately what I wanted to make out of when I found it...so why the self doubting?

I am hearing the voice of self doubt very loud even in spite of all the wonderful things I hear from so many of my friends and followers here on my blog who love how I write, who want to know how I do what I do and who truly enjoy and are inspired by what I share here.  I'm not saying this in pride it is just what is happening ALL THE TIME right now...a lot of you are saying really nice and encouraging things to me and I so appreciate it and I REALLY NEED TO HEAR what everyone is saying.  Your voices of encouragement are there for a reason.

It is a battlefield in my heart and head right now, discouragement on one side and all of you on the other.  The enemy of my soul would love nothing more than to squelch the creativity God has placed in me.  That is why I need to hear what you are saying.  Thank you, thank you, thank you and please don't stop!

That voice of self doubt and discouragement in my head is not a strange thing as it happens to people all the time.  In my head I liken its affect to that of "Nasty grass", a grassy weed that crops up in my garden that is so darn hard to eradicate.  It makes me feel at times like I will be forever doomed to never prevail against it.

The thing with "Nasty grass" is it can be overcome but it takes work.  One cannot just yank it out of the ground, oh no...it needs to be dug out, its roots eradicated or will send out more and more underground stolons/roots and soon choke out the entire garden.   If you pull it out you will always leave behind those underground runners and before long, will find a new plant or plants growing to replace what you just pulled up.  Once well established it is very difficult to even dig out as it grows through the root systems of other plants further securing its future habitation in the garden.  It has such a nasty habit of reappearing just when you think you have it licked.  Nasty nasty stuff.

Nasty Grass...The white portions break off very easily to form new plants

"Nasty grass" must be dug out or killed using an herbicide, the herbicide being the most effective way of killing it.  I went out and dug some up so you could see what I mean by the underground runners/roots. The battle for victory in my mind is similar to my battle with this weed.  I have to apply the truth of God's word as the herbicide to the roots of these lies that I am a failure and unworthy to succeed or they will continue to choke out the beautiful creative nature God has placed within me.

Tough woody stoleniferous root that at each joint will send up a plant if left in the ground.

The lies in my life are a lot like a well established patch of "Nasty grass" that has been enjoying the space in my mind and heart since I was a child.  It has grown into and through every area of our life the same as it does the root zones of the plants that inhabit the garden until they weaken and even die out unable to compete.  If I am to win this war in my mind I will need to go deep, employing the herbicide of truth of God's Word to the roots of these nasty lies.  I have a lot of work to do...but I am ready.

I am bolstered by a confidence I cannot explain, that its time to come forth like blooms on a rose and bloom I shall and those lying weeds in my brain...they are going DOWN!  I am so excited I feel like I could just explode with joy at times.  I never used to feel this way ever...its amazing and truly something God has done in me and for me.

As a Christian, facing fear and living by faith is a way of life.  I either trust God or I remain increasingly anxious about my life.  There is a reason that we are admonished to "Be anxious for nothing, but with prayer and thanksgiving let our requests be made known before God."    That opens the door for God's peace to be spread abroad in our hearts, to cover them and we find rest for our souls!

It took me 5.6 years to learn this as I went through circumstances I would have never thought I would go through.  My faith was stretched and tried like never before.  But God showed He was always faithful, always there and attending to my needs and to my future.  So now as I look at these weedy lies about my creative abilities I see they are just another part of learning to trust my Creator with my future, my life and now my business.  I am also leaning on Him to help me get to the root of these lies that have held me back for so long.

I will be spending time in prayer and studying what the Bible has to say on this subject.  I am so excited to see the new growth of this gift of creativity come forth as the binding forces of these lies are laid to waste in my life in a greater way than ever before.

To everything there is a season and this is my season to bloom!

I am even a little amazed that I am here writing this right now, but God being faithful is bringing to pass exactly what He said that He would accomplish in my life, that the discouragement would be lifted from my life and I would grow and flourish.  And I am so excited and so very ready.

God does not want us to be bound by the voice of discouragement.  If you are in one of those times know that is not time lost.  With all your heart seek God, to spend time in His presence, to hear what He has to say about who you are and to take to heart those truths and wait...wait for God's power to set you free.


Copyright © 2011 by Patty Hicks
All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

The Devil Dancing At My Gate

This morning as I walked out my front door I discovered someone had stolen an entire flat of tomatoes from off our front porch.  That hurt...I can't say it any other way.  To be honest, gardening for the past three years has been discouraging and though I try hard to not let it get me down, things like this don't help as you can well imagine.

Japanese Trifle tomatoes that were stolen May 14/15, 2011

I am challenged by the need to forgive the thief as is required in my faith and yes I need to forgive them.  I need to pray for them and not to look at this as a personal offense...but its hard when I feel the pain of it.  I put a lot of work into those plants, nurturing and protecting them and, because of my personal investment, I feel the violation that one experiences when a strange breaks in and takes what is not theirs.  Dog gone it!  It took a lot to get those puny little tomatoes that big!

It is at times like this I sense the devil is dancing at the gate of my garden trying to discourage me. I'm weary of the sound of his taunting.  I am just being honest.  I don't understand why these things seem to be happening more than they used to but they are. The one thing I do know is that God takes what the devil intends for evil and uses it for good and because of this I trust there will be good come out of this somehow.

More than likely this good God is going to perform is something He is working in me though who knows, maybe those tomatoes will bring that thief to his knees in repentance.  This truly is my number one hope for them as I remember how desperate my own life was before I trusted Christ as my savior.  It's not my job to save the thief, its not my job to judge them, though I know what they did was wrong.   And it's not my job to seek vengeance...that's clearly God's business and He's a lot better at it than I could ever hope to be.  So I set my heart to forgive as I have been forgiven and to pray for the thief, whoever they are...my cheek is turned.  After all, who am I, this one who has literally broken every command in the book, to pass judgement upon a thief who has only stolen my tomatoes.  I pray God will have mercy on them as well.

Romans 12:19 - 21
"Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine I will repay," says the Lord.  But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

I used to be the snarling watchdog at the fence when people would steal flowers or plants from my garden, always out to get them, but I have come to understand that there is no good fruit in that and it mad me an angry person with higher blood pressure.  Instead I have learned it is far better for me to pray for those who offend me by their selfish, destructive actions.  I try to live at peace with all men, bless those who curse me and remember always, that except for God's grace and the shed blood of Jesus, that could very well have been me stealing those plants from someone's porch.

Parkinson's Disease And My Dear Friend Merv

A new day begins

I've been trying to figure out how to start this post.  Its kind of difficult to know how to approach this introduction...but here goes.  My friend Merv has Parkinson's disease, it wracks his body but I wanted to introduce you to more than a man with Parkinson's; I want to introduce you to a man who is not afraid to be seen as weak and trust God for His future.  So why is it important for me to introduce him to you?  In nine days he will be undergoing deep brain stimulation, and Lord willing, will no longer suffer the pain, tremors and mental haze he has battled these past few years.  Its important because I want to honor his struggle...to let others out there know they are not alone...and for those who have people they know with Parkinson's, to let them know others know how it feels to walk along side someone with this disease.

I love Merv like a big brother.  He was an elder at a church I attended for nearly ten years. He has helped me through some tough times, helping me to keep my perspective with his incredible sense of humor, candor and faith.  He is my hero...he and his wife Dorrie.  They were always people I could talk to, felt comfortable with.  They have amazing hearts, comfortable, unassuming, loving and with them you know where you stand.

A few years ago Dorrie approached me and asked I would come help her with their garden, it needed renovating.   It would become one of my favorite afternoons, there with Dorrie and her youngest daughters, pulling weeds, chatting and teaching, transplanting flowers, cutting back plants, lifting and restoring the garden in front of their home.  Dorrie and I shopped for plants for the garden...it was a seemingly small investment in their lives.  That was a couple of years before Merv started noticing his symptoms.

The shadow of looming storm clouds

After Merv was officially diagnosed Dorrie came up to me, gave me a hug and shared how much they were enjoying their trees and how much my help had meant to them. It blessed me especially in light of what they were dealing with, that God knew what they would face and began making provision for beauty in this little garden outside their front door. I was struck by this thought; how things we do for others without a view into the future will bring joy to them later in deeper measures in a season of need in their lives.

Refreshing sunshine on a winter morning

I was filled up with Dorrie's hug and thank you, with the thought that it was a place of beauty in their season of struggle.  She could have come up to me, pour out what woes they were facing and her worries but no, she shared her gratitude and blessings of that little investment and it was so encouraging to me.  I want to be like Dorrie when I grow up.

Heavy storm clouds approaching

I can still remember when Merv and Dorrie stood in front of us that Sunday at church and shared his Parkinson's diagnosis.  I remember the feeling in my stomach brought on by what little understanding I had of the progression of this disease.  I could not imagine my Merv, my brother, so funny...the man who seemed so strong, now facing a future of suffering in his body.  And what about his family, his wife?  I sat there stunned...all of us were stunned.  At that moment we began a long road of walking along side Merv, Dorrie and their family.  They would need each of us, our prayers, our encouragement and physical help too.  We did not know that we would also need them, that we would be the needy ones at the time; it was Merv with the disease not us.

What storms lie ahead?

We could not see that in the midst of his suffering Merv would produce rich words of encouragement born from the depths of his experience and they would wash over us as we struggled in our situations; his words helping us not to worry.  Worry was always knocking at the door of our minds because we could not know if he would find healing or if the course of this disease would take in his life.  It would rankle us at the news of pain events and loss of mental capacity.

Clouds providing beauty in the morning light

It has not been just Merv, but Dorrie too that has shared from those deep places...both out of their own need and heart felt words filled with treasure only found in the fields of suffering.  Suffering is an amazing and beautiful thing...it shows us things we would in no other way be able to see, gives us keys to understanding far beyond the comfort we protect so jealously.  It brings into focus new perspective on life, the value of things, those we have in our lives and our faith.  It grants us greater compassion for others, unlocks our hearts to them and casts the tent pegs of our hearts in a much broader circle.  I understand this may seem counter intuitive and it is.  We try to avoid suffering at all costs.  It is an American way of life after all...life, liberty and freedom from suffering.

That Sunday the two of them stood before us and gave their future into the hands of God and into our hearts for prayer and for physical support when it became time.  And we have prayed and prayed, through long days of struggle and pain, for hope, encouragement and faith that would not fail, for financial support, for miracles with hospital officials so he could finally have this surgery that will take place.  The countdown has begun as of yesterday, April 10th...ten days...10 DAYS!  We are praying for a miracle.

Merv writes a blog about his experience with Parkinson's...Merv's Little Brain  Don't be afraid...read it.  You will find it inspiring, insightful, honest and pretty funny too.  He is a gift.  I keep reminding him of that as often as I can and feel at times that I cannot say it enough.

Merv, Dorrie and Family...I trust you are reading this and I want to say I love you much, pray for you often, thank God for you all and am blessed to have you in my life.  May God bless you all in spirit and bring healing to you Merv.

How To Know When It's Time: Starting a Small Business Part 2 - Facing Fear

Being thrust into having to start a business is nerve wracking and can be an emotional roller-coaster.  One moment I find I'm fighting paralyzing fear because I don't know what will happen...the fear of failing, and suddenly I'm so over the moon about my future all I want to do is move forward at full steam!  It's a new and strange experience for me.  To focus on either of them is not good as I've learned in my own life experiences and the experiences of others in their in business.  Surging forward too quickly is as bad as being bound up by fear and unable to move.  It is a warning and a reminder that being taken over by either emotion may be one of the trickiest parts of this whole venture.  In this post its all about facing fear and what failure really is.

Me at the site of one of my biggest failures and greatest lessons...it is now an alter of remembrance and turning point in my life. It is the place I need to remember...to know that because I failed here does not mean I won't succeed tomorrow.  It is only a spot in the road of life.

We all fear the future in some measure because we don't know what it will be for us...success or failure; mostly we just fear failure.  Few people today really realize that failure is a great teacher and all because of the social stigma surrounding it.  I know I suffered under this social stigma and its short-sighted definition for years.  Even though there is a vast amount of help out there for small business start ups, I still I find I have to force myself forward and have to face those fears almost daily.  Each time I do I am discover over and over that this is really just series of steps taken one at a time, that I should not think about and consider what comes next but I must not worry about what comes next or that I might make a mistake.   This means I must not listen to the voice of worry because it binds me up with fear, tying my feet to where I stand with the chords of "what if?" so I never move forward.  However we all have to face our fears to reap our desired rewards.

We fear spiders because we think they are going to bite us...but they are only trying to survive and would rather have a nice meal of flower fly or other insect.  So is our fear justified...I think not; understanding helps to alleviate fear.

Fear and insecurities are something we battle throughout our lives and each of us has our own way of dealing with them.  Nearly every gardening class I’ve taught and every meeting I’ve attended I’ve met someone who will confess to me me that they are scared to death to start a garden. Being the oh-so-confident and fearless gardener I am, my response to them is simply this; "Ya gotta start somewhere, so why not here and why not now?", followed up with some simple instructional tips to help get them going.  Sometimes they need to hear that everyone fails and yes they will fail, they will kill plants or plants will just die...but that's ok, that's life in the garden.  That they should not fear these seeming failures but to grab onto them and learn from them as opportunities to learn what really happened to cause it or to look at it as an opportunity try something new instead.  Isn't trying a new business just like that?  I think it is a lot like that.

As I write this it amazes me how many lessons I am able to glean from my past career which speaks to me of how our lives are an ongoing journey filled with lessons and applications that are meant to translate to these new pathways, meant to help us become wiser, meant to teach us and meant to be shared with others to help them along their way too.  We tend to forget this truth in transition times when we start fearing the unknown, when  we begin to walk down that new path we have never been on before.

Its funny how I'm finding myself needing to take my own advise these days and it makes me pause to wonder at how long I've been being taught through my past circumstances, those lessons preparing me this season in my life.  I know its been at least for the past eighteen years and I'm guessing for my whole life; and I’ll be darned if it didn’t happen without my I even realizing what was going on.

Every new day is born full of new opportunity and the lessons that will accompany them if we take hold of them and step out into our future.

For me as a Christian I don't face my future alone but with God as my guide which is a great comfort and help when I am tempted to fear.  This truth was made plain to me years ago in a rather unusual way when I opened the first copy of Reader's Digest my father had sent me as a gift and on the first page I turned to, the very first thing I read was this quote:

"I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year,
“Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown”,
and he replied, “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God,  That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”  Louise M. Haskin 

Whether you are a long time business owner, just setting up a new business like myself, or someone who is just walking along a new path in your life that you find challenging, I hope this has been of some encouragement to you.


Copyright © 2011 by Patty Hicks
All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

Failure and Success

This morning I was reading in Psalm 27 which ends like this, "I would have despaired unless I believed that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living" and later the psalmist David goes on to encourage us to "wait for the Lord" but wait for what?  This waiting is not like waiting for a bus but rather it means to be at rest in the understanding that God is working and trusting in Him.  Its understanding that He does love us, that He has not condemn nor forsaken us in whatever situation we find ourselves in...even if it is one of our own making.  Oh we may have to eat the fruit of what we have done, suffering consequences here on earth for our foolishness, but if we are willing to be taught by it, honed by the hand of God, we will be utterly blessed and become usable instruments in the Master's hand.  Isn't that just amazing?

I've been doing a lot of thinking about God's faithfulness in the daily things of life like those ideas I get all too often, set out to do and miserably fail at accomplishing.  Its funny how we can one minute be all gung-ho for something and feel we can conquer the world and then a few days later or after physical disability realize it was a nice idea but we are just not that person yet, we're not there yet.  Case in point, my recent proclamation of my plans to keep a journal of what I eat and other aspects of my life that may impact my health and how that just is not happening.  It felt like it was time and I really thought I was ready to do it, but in reality I'm just not that disciplined of a person...at least not right now.  I would hope that someday I would be but the good Lord knows my weaknesses and I know He is at work despite the bazillion times that I fail.  That is why I love this verse in Psalm 27 so much.  I can still have hope even when I fail because God is always faithful.

This is a reoccurring theme in my life which I'm sure you have also seen in your own life to some degree as well.  We all are prone to it.  We are all flesh and flesh fails. But in each new day, in each new moment of life, with each breath we are given another opportunity to move forward, another hour, another minute, another breath. God does not pin us to the ground with condemnation because we fail, but is standing there at the sidelines cheering us on.  He rejoices over us!!  Yes, over YOU!  This is the beauty of God's mercy.  Though we fail He doesn't condemn us but loves us in spite of our weakness and failures.  He does want us to admit we are weak however and desires we see our need for Him and come to Him for help, forgiveness and restoration.

Then there is the other side to this issue...someone else delights in our failure. The enemy of our soul, Satan, loves it when we fail and comes swooping in on us with his weapons drawn to try and take us down and bring us to self pity and to a sense of worthlessness. Think about it, all those thoughts that batter the mind after a failure.

Satan knows we will fall for his trick if we are not putting our faith in God but in our own strength and abilities.  I sometimes think he can smell our weakness like a dog can smell fear.  He would love us to feel we are condemned because we failed at whatever it is we tried to accomplish and that we are worthless.  However, I can't find anywhere in the Bible that says God condemns us for our human failures save a failure to trust in the work of the cross, so why are we listening to those thoughts that come from the pit?

 Why do we believe such nonsense?  Because we don't understand how complete God's love for us is.  We are still seeking validation or feel that we have to perform to be loved.  If you are His you are loved, plain and simple.  You don't have to "be" something or someone in God's economy to be loved, you only have to be His!  He promises to use all things for our good too. 

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  (Romans 8:27-29)  This is diametrically opposed to what Satan wants us to believe and all those degrading thoughts we find ourselves thinking after we fail.  Why would God use something bad to produce good for me?  Because He gets glory for doing so and because He loves you!

I'm going to say this because it is very important in understanding the love of God and who God is!  READ YOUR BIBLE!  Memorize it, feast on the words in it. (Confession time...I have real trouble disciplining myself to memorize scripture so I'm speaking to myself  here too.)  If you don't understand something you read keep on reading...God will in time help you understand if you ask Him too...or even if you don't He'll still bring it to light but I highly recommend asking.  If you want to know how God thinks and who He is you have to read your Bible!  Reading the Bible renews our minds to be able to understand things from God's perspective and the area of success and failure, love and acceptance are key in our lives as those who trust Jesus.  This is important because by nature we strive for perfection, we work for validation, we lust for success...but what is "success"?  It's certainly not to attain to perfection and its not at all what most of the world believes it is.  Success in God's economy is trusting God, resting in His will, letting Him do for us.  This is what glorifies Him the most and that is what our lives are all about, bringing God glory.

It seems in our own minds we are very good at cooking up all sorts of "good ideas" and hatching plans that are most always linked to the wrong thinking that we are prone to as human beings. That is why reading and knowing what the Bible says is so key here. The photo below is a perverted form of a "Drumstick Allium" a natural occuring perversion which usually sports very pretty purplish flowers, but this one has this odd green hairlike growth instead...thus its name "Allium Hair".  Not nearly as pleasing as the original but worth a good laugh or at least some conversation. Someone probably even made some money off it too I'm guessing as it is in a lot of bulb catalogs and still a delight to plant geeks that like the odd look of it.  There is no accounting for taste...hey I was even sucked in by it back when I was lusting after plants.  And by the way, this is one that came up after I thought I had gotten rid of them all a few years ago.  Sounds a lot like how our mistakes haunt us doesn't it?

We often take our own ideas of what will be good or best instead of understanding what it is that God deems as best from His perspective and going from there. We often discover that we are incapable of attaining our desired results with the final outcome looking more like the weird little bulbing head on this Allium and its bad hair day than our intended goal and vision.  Sadly when we are striving in our own flesh, in our own understanding, we can only see this after we have failed unless God intervenes and taste the fruit of our labors or as in the case of this flowerless Allium, see the results for ourselves.  But God's desire for us often is something much simpler and surprisingly fulfilling and perfectly beautiful in its final results.

Did you notice in that passage from Romans 8 above that it said nothing about it being for our will but about "His will".  If you think for one second that your life is all about you then you need a reality check.  Its not at all about you but all about you bringing God glory. We were created to bring Him glory plain and simple.  The rest is icing on the cake actually and God loves to bless us.  I'm saying this because I used to act like life was all about me, it revolved around me...my being loved, accepted, validated and praised for what I did! I cringe at the thought of how I used to act sometimes but we as humans are predisposed to believe this and to act accordingly.  We make a royal mess out of our lives when we believe its all about us.  Funny thing is that God is still going to get glory for it and use it to teach us to see things from His perspective. Trust me He will if He hasn't already done so in your life, He can't help but do that because its who He is and because He loves us.  He opposes our proud, self centered natural man but by His grace and mercy will use that very failing in us to humble us and bring us to a greater peace than we could have ever known when we learn that its not about us at all.  That's God's way.

I don't claim to fully understand this truth but I have over and over again seen it demonstrated in my own life without exception.  How wonderful it is to understand this concept even in part.  It releases my heart to hope, but not in my own worthiness which when I look at myself in the mirror, seems to reflect my many flaws or even in my own strength which fails over and over again, but in God's faithfulness and loving kindness which will not fail.  That's just who God is and how He does things.  Isn't that amazing!!!

Proverbs 8:17-21

May God bless you with greater understanding of His unfailing love and faithfulness and may the garden of your life be filled with the beauty of Christ.

Thanks for stopping in and have a blessed day.

Copyright © 2010 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.

The Heart in The Midst of Suffering

How's your heart?  I love this question.  I've began to ask this of those I meet also but I think it is one of those questions we ask too infrequently of ourselves.  How's my heart?

I was reminded of this as I read a post by a very dear brother who is walking through the suffering of Parkinson's disease.  His post reminded me it is very good to weigh the desires and motives of the heart especially in suffering.  During the past five years God has been gracious to me in teaching me a lot about the benefits of suffering, often bringing me to the point where I felt like I couldn't go on only to be brought to where I would have to ask "How can I possibly ask for this to be removed if God is doing some great thing in it?"  This is God's grace in the midst of suffering. The suffering Jesus bore for our redemption is the template for this thought as the good it accomplished was the greatest measure of love ever.  But even like Jesus himself prayed...if there is another way...but not my will but Thine be done.  So I am not imposing guilt upon anyone who has prayed for relief.  It is not a sin to ask for it.  It is a sin to focus on just wanting healing and not seeking God's will first and foremost.

The pitfall we all like to fall into while suffering is self pity of even selfishness...for me that might be to have a more comfortable chair.  Our desire to be set free from suffering becomes an idol or a mode of manipulating others.  There are times we feel completely justified to let the whole world know how much we hurt for the simple purpose of validation.  But here's a question for you...If your eyes are so consumed with your own comfort that you are not seeking His face or to love others is that not selfish?  This is dicey territory I know and I can hear some of you saying "Oh come on now!"  But it's true! I've been emptied by it at times, to just let others know how much I'm hurting for selfish reasons...it happens.  The heart is deceitfully wicked and sadly, for as hard as suffering is to walk through it is no different here than in any other arena of life.

This seems so counter intuitive to our natural modes of dealing with suffering in how it casts off the notion that its allowable to be selfish in the midst of suffering because "I'm in so much pain!"  WRONG!  (I'm convicted by my own words!)  I must add that I understand there is pain that is so wrenching that we do become consumed by its presence for a short time.  Grief is a suffering that can be like that for some.  But suffering is not meant to keep us focused on ourselves!

The cure for any wrong motive in us is to lay our life in suffering at the foot of His cross with a thanksgiving sacrifice and a sacrifice of praise in surrender to His will.  To ask for understanding as to what He is teaching us, wisdom in walking through this season, for help to sustain us in our weakness.  I have found myself saying "God ya gotta help me here because I don't know what this looks like" when I read we are to give thanks in all things or to offer up a sacrifice of praise.  How can we be thankful or praise God when we suffer so?  It is in the understanding of who God is and that He is working for our good and His glory that this happens.  We must trust enough to give thanks in the midst of it...oh we must learn to give thanks!

Why give thanks?  Because God is doing things we cannot even imagine because of the suffering we experience.  He is working in us to be sure, but He is also working in the lives of others through our relationships in this season of suffering.  The modeling of faith to others, the stretching of their hearts to serve one who is weak in body or in grief, it all has a purpose.  God's ability to open our ears to hear Him, to get us to sit still before Him and to teach us in the midst of trial amazes me!  For this one thing if nothing else I will praise Him for He has answered my prayer to draw me close to Himself, closer than I ever thought possible.

Looking back upon these past few years I can see His wisdom in choosing suffering as my teacher...and what a perfect teacher it has been.  Praise God for His mercies which are new every morning, for the manna of grace we need for each and every day and for His faithfulness to keep us in the midst of trial.

Copyright © 2010 by Patty Hicks

All rights reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. All reviews must include author's name and a link back to this blog.